The Top Ten Musicals that will leave you Bawling like a Wee Bairn

I love to cry. Alright maybe that’s a tad simplistic, I don’t love to cry – I love to be moved enough to cry. Why is this important? Well, my Wee Readers, after I published my last post, I felt lost as to what I should write about next. So, needing a break I partook in one of my favorite past times – listening to depressing musicals. I know, odd thing to do but it’s very cathartic, so I still recommend it. Just as I shed the last of my tears for a particular heartbreaking rendition of ‘Me and the Sky’, I realized that I had the answer right there before me. So thus, with little ceremony I present to you the Wee Writing Lassie’s Top Ten Musicals that will leave you Balling like a Wee Bairn.

10. Les Miserables

Based on the 1862 Victor Hugo novel of the same name, Les Miss tells the stories of the escaped convict Jean Val Jean ; his adopted daughter Cosette and her love for the revolutionary Marius; and most loudly of all the 1832 June Rebellion in Paris. Of course, I most likely don’t have to tell you any of this since Le Mis, just so happens to be one of the longest running and most popular musicals of all time. It is also, as you may be able to guess by the name, one of the most miserable . The most lovable character (Jean Val Jean) dies at the end, in fact most of the characters in Les Miss die at some point in the play – only four people are alive by the end,and shockingly that’s an improvement from the book. Thus with the ringing of the audiences handkerchiefs, Les Miserable proudly earns it’s spot on this terribly depressing list. In fact the only reason it’s not higher on the list, is because I’ve listened to it so often in my life, I’m practically dead inside when it comes to this magnificent musical. Seriously, play me the final song and I won’t cry at all…these aren’t tears, I have something in my eye.

Song I cried at the Most: Final

Created by: Claude-Michel Schonberg, Alain Baublil, and Jean-Marc Nated (Orginal French Musical) Cameron Macintosh (The Wider known production.)

9. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dream-coat

Based on a story from the Bible ‘s Book of Genesis – Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dream-coat tells the story of how parental favoritism and neglect can ruin a family. Joseph, as the favorite son of Jacob, is terribly favored over his eleven brothers and his sister isn’t even mentioned in the play. Culminating with the brother’s snapping after Joseph is gifted with the said Technicolor dream coat, and selling their brother into slavery. Despite the overwhelmingly depressing tone of that premise, for the most part this is a fairly up-beat musical. In fact I would have heisted to include it on my ‘weeping’ list at all, if it weren’t for… that song. The song that makes you realize that everything you’ve been watching up to this point, has not t been a bouncy romp round Biblical times, but in fact very, very depressing. Set just after Joseph’s Master (Potiphar) has discovered his wife sexually abusing Joseph and thrown the boy into jail because of it; Close Every Door to Me shows the audience both the depth of Joseph’s despair, and exactly what kind of musical they’ve actually been watching.

Song I cried at the Most: Close every Door to Me

Created by: Andrew Lloyd Webber & Tim Rice

8. Hadestown

Hadestown basically retells the classic tragic Myth of Eurydice (who gets trapped in the Underworld) and Orpheus (who tries and fails to rescue her from said Underworld) in a Great Depression-era inspired post-apocalyptic setting. Which now I’ve said it out loud, is a little weird, but it’s a moving musical so we’ll just roll with it. My only issue with the play, and even then it’s a minor one, is it’s depiction of Hades as the out-and-out villain of the tale. In the original myth he wasn’t – Eurydice just dies, he doesn’t trick her down there at all. Why would he? He’s got enough work with the spirits that are actually supposed to be down in Hades. That being said the play did need some kind of villain – other than Orpheus and Eurydice’s own stupidity – and Patrick Page does such a brilliant job of portraying the King of the Underworld, I’ve even begun to picture him when I think of Hades himself. Plus, the story has such a good build up to the tragedy of Orpheus and Eurydice, that I’m still going to burst into tears at the first note of that final song regardless.

Song I cried at the Most: Road to Hell (Reprise)

Created By: Anais Mitchell

7. The Hunchback of Notredame

Based on Victor Hugo’s first novel Notre-Dame de Paris and the 90’s Disney Film Hunchback of Notre-Dame, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame tells the story of both the corrupt priest (yeah he’s back to being a priest in this version) Claude Frollo and his severely abused Nephew Quasimodo. Yes that’s right, in this version Quasimodo is the son of Frollo’s brother. Other than that the story follows the same beats as the Disney film – Quasimodo grows up locked in Notre-Dame until he escapes to go watch the Festival of Fools, where he meets Esmeralda. Frollo calls for Esmeralda’s arrest, and she takes refuge in Notre-Dame. Then she falls in love with Phoebus, for some reason. Eventually she’s captured by Frollo, who threatens to burn her alive if she doesn’t sleep with him. Yep, pretty much the same thing as the Disney film. Oh, and *spoiler* Quasimodo dies at the end. Wait…what? Who asked for that back? I know it happens in the book, but so does a lot of other terrible stuff and they left that out. Why? Why? Why do you do this to me Disney? I’m going to go and listen to Made of Stone now, have myself a good cry.

Song I cried at the Most: Made of Stone

Created By: J, Scott Lapp (directed American Production) and James Lapin (book)

6. Dear Evan Hansen

Created by the same minds behind the Greatest Showman, Dear Evan Hansen is a show about social anxiety, loneliness, and most of all teen suicide. Now I don’t really have any experience or proper knowledge of suicide, so I won’t go in-depth with that aspect – but I will just say this, you will be crying from start to finish. Except maybe during the obligatory funny song that every musical feels obliged to include, even if it doesn’t suit the material. Fitever, I’m just going to go listen to ‘Requiem’ in the corner, no one mind me.

Song I cried at the Most: Requiem

Created By: Benji Pasek and Justin Paul

5. Hamilton

Come on you all know this one by now, sing it with me! How does a bastard, orphan son of a whore…damn it, I swore I wouldn’t swear on this blog. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t count if it’s Broadway. *cough* Anyway, ‘Hamilton’ by Lin Manual Miranda is a hip hop musical about the life of Alexander Hamilton – founding father and complete idiot. I’m sorry but come on, a lot of his problems he brought on himself. I mean for god’s sake, say no to the deadly duel Alexander, say no! There is no outcome where this ends well for you! Sorry, I have very strong emotions when it comes to this musical. But so would you, if you had to listen to songs like ‘It’s Quiet Uptown’, God damn you Lin Manuel Miranda and your brilliant mind. You, beautiful, beautiful person.

Song I cried at the Most : It’s Quiet Uptown

Created by: The One, the singular, Lin Manual Miranda

4. Falsettos

Based on the ‘Marvin Trilogy’ of one-act Off-Broadway musicals by James Lapine and William Finn – Falsettos (created by the same people) tells the story of Marvine, his ex-wife Trina, Trina’s current husband and Marvin’s former Psychologist Mendel, their son Jason and Marvin’s lover Whizzer Brown. Well that’s the players introduced – most of them anyway – so what’s the play about. Well, it’s about a gay couple in the eighties so…Aids, it’s about Aids. And who dies? Because of course somebody dies. Why, the most likable character – because of course. I don’t mean to sound flippant, or rather I do but it’s for a very good reason. If I don’t tell you about this musical in a light and breezy manner, my keyboard is going to get so wet, from all the tears, and I can’t replace it again. Which was partly why it was so difficult to choose a song I cried at the most, the whole second act makes me cry! But finally I settled on two that tipped the scales from enjoyable tears to abject misery. Enjoy!

Song/s I cried at the Most: You Gotta Die Sometime & Falsettoland (reprise)

Created by: William Finn (music) and James Lapiue (book)

3. Waitress

Based on the 2007 Film of the same name, Waitress was created by Sara Bareilles and Jessica Nelson. Jenna Hunterson (played by Keri Russell in the original film) the title Waitress discovers herself pregnant by her abusive husband Earl (played by Jeremy Sisto in the original film); and begins an affair with her gynecologist (played by Nathan Fillion in the original film). Desperate to make a better life for her and her unborn child, Jenna can see no other way out but the prize money from an upcoming pie baking contest. Now, was I first attracted to this musical due to Nathan Fillion’s involvement with the original film…how dare you make that entirely accurate assumption! You are such a cleaver person! But in all seriousness, this a deeply moving musical culminating (at least as far as my exhausted tear ducts are concerned) in the heart wrenching song ‘She used to be Mine’ – in which Jenna griefs for the women she used to be, and reflects on the women she is now. Oh God, I’m gonna start crying again….turn away, don’t look at me!

Song I cried at the Most: She used to be Mine

Created by: Sara Bareilles (music & lyrics) & Tom Kitt (music)

2. next to normal

Well, we’re really in the darker end of the musical thematic spectrum now my Wee Readers. The Rock Musical called ‘next to normal’ is about a women with bipolar disorder and delusional episodes. In soul-tugging efficiency the musical examines the effect this has on not only our main character but her family as well. By doing so it covers uncomfortable topics such as grief, depression, suicide, drug abuse, and modern psychiatry’s ethics. You may have noticed that I’ve been deliberately vague about the actually plot, and no that is not a mistake on my part my Wee Readers – I’m not going to tell you it. Because to do so would be revealing a twist so awesome, it would be an actual crime to story telling as a whole. And as a writer myself I feel I cannot justify doing that – so I guess you’re just going to have to listen/watch the musical yourself.

Song I cried at the Most – that doesn’t give away the Plot Twist: You Don’t Know

Created by: Brian Yorkey (book & lyrics) & Tom Kitt (music)

1. Come from Away

And now we come to the one that started it all. Yes, that’s right my Wee Readers, this is the musical that gave me the idea for this blog post, and why you may ask? Because I cry at every single song on this thing’s soundtrack. Come From Away is a Canadian musical, set in the week following 911. Based on the true story of the 38 planes that were ordered to land in the small town of Gander in the Canadian province of Newfoundland. All the characters are at least partly based on real people, who are probably still alive today, and I can promise you – you’ll cry at every single one of these songs. So if you’re anything like me and enjoy good cry every now and then, then I’ve just turned you on to the perfect musical, however if you’re not then I’ve probably just warned you away from it…so…win all round really

Song I cried at the Most: Me and the the Sky

Created by: David Hein & Irene Sankoff

Well, here ends our tear sodden list my Wee Readers – I know, I know there are so many wonderfully depressing musicals that didn’t even get a passing mention, but such is life. If I included every single musical that ever made me cry, I’d never get this post finished and nobody wants that. But if you can think of some miserable masterpiece that really should have been included – mention it down below in the comments, and I’ll see if I agree. If you’ve enjoyed crying along with me, remember to follow the Wee Blog if you haven’t already, and check me out on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr; not to mention my Facebook and Goodreads pages. And please sign up to the Wee Mailing List for all new rants, photos and more. Until next time my Wee Readers, have a bonny day.

Return of the Top Ten Evil Songs + 3, I added for the fun of it

After much deliberation and investigation – ha, that rhymes – through your, my Wee Readers, many suggestions I have finally compiled the worst of the worst. Yes, that’s right my wee readers this is the Return of the Top Ten Evil Songs – this time with added runner ups, that I added just for the fun of it . So without anymore delay may I present your selections for the Top Ten Evil Songs of 2019.

10. Blue (Da-Ba-Dee)

Many Thanks to Lynn Blair ( https://inkedautist.wordpress.com/ ) for recommending this song. Blue ( Da-Ba-Dee) is a song by an Italian group, Eiffel 65. Written by lead singer Jeffrey Jey, keyboardist Maurizio Lobina and producer Massimo Gabutti – the music video of the song depicts aliens trying to abduct Jeffrey Jey while the other members of Eiffel 65 try to stop them. Now if it sounds like I’ve just recently learned all that just minutes before I started writing, that’s because I did. I knew nothing about this song before I started researching for this post, other than the fact that it was so catchy that I literally had to turn it off mid-way through or it would be stuck in my head all day.

9. Supercalifragilitexpalidocious

Big shout out to Widdershins ( https://widdershinsfirst.com/ ) for recommending this next Evil Song. The first known record of the word ‘supercalifragilisticexpialialidocious’ – at least according to Wikipedia and The Oxford English Dictionary – was found in a column by Helen Herman in the Syracuse University Daily Orange, dated March 10th, 1931. Although it was actually spelled ‘supercaliflawjalisticexpialadoshus’. However the writers of the song – the Sherman Brothers – claimed that they made the word up, and that they based it on memories of creating double-talk words as kids. The original word was also said to mean ‘all that is grand, great, glorious, splendid, superb, wonderful’ which is a change from the movie where it’s implied that it’s a word to use when you don’t have anything else to say. Whatever the case this tune will stick in your head to the day you die, also penguins…we never can forget the penguins.

8. Hips Don’t Lie

Here’s to masercot ( https://morepotatoes.com/ ) for this evil recommendation. Written by no less than six people – Wyclef Jean, Jerry ‘Wonder’ Dupllessis, Omar Alfanno, LaTavia Parker, Vinay Rao, and of course Shakira herself -and first performed by Colombian Singer Shakira in 2006, ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ is an infectious song, with such catchy and lets face it slightly repetitive lyrics that you won’t be able to get out of your brain even if you were to use an ice-cream scoop to do the bloody work for you. Wow…that, eh, that got very dark there. Anyway, Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie…good song, can’t get it out of your head. Moving on now, before I end up creeping you all out.

7. The lemanade song

Big shout out to Em @ The Geeky Jock ( https://kinesiologic.wordpress.com/ ) the Wee Reader who introduced me to this wonderfully catchy/evil Song. The Lemonade Song (sometimes referred to as the Duck song) was first uploaded to YouTube by Bryant Oden on January 21st 2009 as a lyric video. In March 23rd – of the same year, I’m assuming, but please correct me if I’m wrong – the song was made into an animated short by YouTuber Forrest Whaley. 88 million views later and by April 21st the song is now on iTunes for $.99. Wow, what a Duck can do in just four months.

6. Orange and Lemons

Many thanks to ‘davidjhopcroft’ ( https://davidhopcroft.wordpress.com/ ) who recommended this song to me in my last post. Oranges and Lemons is both a traditional English nursery rhyme and a playground singing game. It refers to the bells of the churches in or near London. Of course there have been many speculations as to its hidden deeper meaning. For instance some have speculated that it might be alluding to child sacrifice; or public executions; or even the marital difficulties of one Henry VIII. Now before you dismiss these theories as ludicrous, or possibly from the minds of paranoid conspiracy theorists, just remember this – Ring Around the Rosies is about the Black Death. So let’s not pretend that children’s songs having disturbing origins is in anyway a new thing.

5. The Pink Panther Theme Song

A big whoop to ‘da-AL’ ( https://happinessbetweentails.com/ ) for recommending this Masterpiece of an Evil Song. First composed for the 1963 film ‘The Pink Panther’ this smooth catchy, Jazz tune was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Score at the 37th Academy Awards. However it was robbed – robbed I tell you – by the Sherman Brothers for their soundtrack of Mary Poppins. Huh, this is the second time the Sherman Brothers have been mentioned in relation to an ‘evil’ song. Coincidence? Yes, absolutely – but what if it wasn’t?

4. A Million Dreams

Many cookies and thanks to ‘debsdialogue’ ( https://debsdialogue.com/ ) for reminding me of this fabulous song. Originally composed for the 2017 musical film The Greatest Showman, and performed by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams; it’s also been covered by several artists including Susan Boyle and Michael Ball on Boyle’s 2019 album, Ten. One of the newer contenders on this list – what with one of main criteria of an ‘evil’ song being memorability, they tend to stick around in the collective consciousness far longer than there more forgettable counterparts. Only time will tell whether ‘A Million Dreams’ will also have this staying power, though considering how many times I’ve banged my head on the wall to get it to leave, I think it’s chances are good.

3. Fat Bottomed Girls

Another Big shutout to ‘masercot’ ( https://morepotatoes.com/ ) for this second suggestion of an evil song. Recorded in 1978 and first released in 13th October that year and written by lead guitarist Brian May. Now remember when I call a song ‘evil’ I don’t usually mean evil as in ‘evil laugh’ evil – I could never say that about a Queen Song. What I mean rather that it’s a song that sticks in your head no matter how much you shake it, or how many times you wack yourself in the face. And there’s rarely no other song that fits that description better than Fat Bottomed Girls. Even if sometimes we wish it otherwise.

2. A small world after All

Big Thanks to ‘dkatiepowellart’ ( https://dkatiepowellart.com/ ) for recommending this…heinous song to yours truly. Written by the Sherman bothers – oh look there they are again – for the Disneyland ride ‘It’s a Small World’, probably sometime in 1966 since that’s when the park opened – ‘A Small World after All’ is one the most, annoying songs in all of existence. In fact the only reason it didn’t make it onto my last list, was because at the time it seemed a little obvious. But looking back now, I can see that was a mistake – I mean, if you’re going to be discussing ‘evil’ songs, this one should be at the top of your list. After all, according to Robert J. Sherman – Robert B. Sherman’s youngest son – this song is the single most-performed and translated piece of music in the world.

Runners up

And now just for a special treat before I reveal the winner of the most evil song of 2019 – let’s take a minute to mention those songs that while nobody has nominated, I’ve not been able to get out of my head for the past few weeks.

Runner up Number 3. Mama Mia

First recorded in 1975 by the band ABBA, ‘Mama Mia’ was the title song of the hit Broadway Musical by the same name. I chose the film’s version of the song – staring Meryl Streep – because, not only is it one of the funniest versions – try and not laugh at those hippy clothes, I dare you – but its also the one that made me realize that I know every single word to that song. That doesn’t often happen to me, a tune maybe, but often even the most ‘evil’ of songs have their lyrics forgotten in my brain, but not this one. *throws hands in air* Yeah! What? Too sarcastic?

Runner Up Number 2. Dogtanian Intro

The show Dogtanian and the ThreeMuskehounds is a bit before my time – something you could have said for a lot of songs on my previous list as well – but my Mum always brings it up whenever I mention writing one of these ‘evil’ song lists, and I’ve got to admit she has a point. This is a really catchy theme song. Almost, like it’s latching on to the inside of your brain. Oh No. Back, Back I say to the depths of Hell, whence you have come foul song!

Runner up 1. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song

‘Yo Home to Bel-Air’ or as the rest of us know it as ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme tune’ was written by the aforementioned tv-show’s executive producer, Quincy Jones and Performed by Actor and Star Will Smith, under his stage name ‘The Fresh Prince. Smith also wrote the lyrics. In this Wee Writing Lassie’s opinion, this is one of the most catchiest/ memorable theme tunes of all time. What else is there to say except ‘In West Philadelphia born and raised on a playground is where I spend most of my days…’

1. Baby Shark

And now we come to our winner, this heinously catchy song was recommend by no less than three separate people – mainepaperpusher (https://mainepaperpusher.wordpress.com/ ), SnapperTrx (https://rgdev.wordpress.com/ ), and ascreasey ( https://amandasuecreasey.com/ ) – so thank you all for this song in my head. Despite what you may have feared, I don’t hate you at all, I’m much too focused on hating the song itself. I’m joking of course, the only song / person I really hate is Zip-a-de-do-da and the monster who wrote it, whom I will hate till the end of my days. Anyway, ‘Baby Shark’ was created by Pinkfong – which is a South Korean educational entertainment company -and unsurprisingly it is one of their most popular songs, at 2.9 billion views and counting. I won’t tell you what’s it about because if I start to recount it, that song is just gonna start playing in my head again, and then I’m not sleeping tonight. So I’ll just leave you with this thought, isn’t it strange that so many of these ‘evil’ songs were made for children. I mean not all of them, but a large majority were made for those of a younger generation then the people that wrote them. An odd thought , but the song has started up again, so I’ll leave it at that.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little journey into insanity we’ve stepped down into together, if you have make sure to follow my Wee blog for many more such high quality content. Or check me out on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and now my brand new Facebook Page – The Wee Writing Lassie. Until next time, My Wee Readers, have a bonny day.

The Top Ten Songs of the Roadtrip Soundtrack

Well, here we are, My Wee Readers, the final post of my Holiday Trilogy – and it only took me…at least two months to complete. Wow, that’s a big thought. Anyway, onward. I’ve been planning, seeing as it is one of my more popular posts, to write a follow up to ‘The Writing Lassie’s Top Ten Evil Songs’ – using the suggestions you left in the comments (so if you want to add another suggestion, now’s the time to do it). But before we get into the very worst humanity has to offer, let’s take a step back, and look at the best. In preparation for my family’s epic road-trip into the Highlands, I compiled a playlist of all our favorite songs as soundtrack for our wee adventure. Here are ten of the best.

10. Born in the USA

Sing it Bruce!

Released October 1984 – so a good ten years before I was even born – Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA is a commentary on the plight of the Vietnam War Veteran when he comes back home. Once famously used by Ronald Reagan – a man who had clearly never got the joke – on his presidency Campaign. This song has always been a favorite of my family’s, thus it was an obvious choice to include on our road-trip’s soundtrack. I remember listening to this surprisingly rousing tune as we entered the rolling mountain lands of the Cairgorm National Park.

9. You’ll Be Back

You’ll Be Back Bitches!

Sung by Jonathan Groff , who you may recognize from Glee, if like me you are re-watching it on Netflix, this villain song from the Hit musical Hamilton – which depicts the life and death of the founding father Alexander Hamilton – is one of my brother’s favorite songs. Thus it was a perfect choice to help start our road-trip with that theatrical flare that can only come from a former king of England. Sing it away George, sing it away.

8. Donald Where’s your Troosers?

Will someone get this man a pair of trousers?!

Performed by Andy Stewart, this is a very strange song – in which a man wonders around with no trousers, while women ask him where on earth his trousers are. I believe it’s implied that he’s wearing a kilt instead, but it’s not altogether clear – and given the nature of the song, either outcome is likely. In truth its a very infectious song, that won’t leave your head no matter how hard you shake it – I mean, I can’t even remember why I didn’t include it in my Evil Song List to begin with.

7. Don’t Stop Me Now

Freddie Mercury is King

Oh Freddie Mercury, you were truly the King of Rock. Performed by the band Queen, with front man Freddie Mercury singing vocals, many have tried to fathom the meaning of this catchy, up-beat tune. But whether it was a Bisexual Pride Anthem – Freddie was Bi himself after all – an ode, to the front-man’s decodant lifestyle – as the other members of the band claim – or just a fun song, about having a very good time really doesn’t matter to me. Because whatever the case, it is a damn good song to have on a Road trip.

6. Micheal in the Bathroom

I have all the Feels.

Performed by George Salazar, ‘Micheal in the Bathroom’ is a heart wrenching song about betrayal and abandonment from, and I’m just going to say it, one of the strangest Musicals I’ve ever come across – Be More Chill. Okay, stop me if you heard this story before – High-schooler Jeremy feels like too much of a loser to speak to the girl he likes, so after hearing about it from some guy in a bathroom (not Micheal) he decides to take this thing called a SQUIP, to help boost his popularity. What is a SQUIP you ask? Why, a SQUIP is an advanced processing computer from Japan, condensed into pill form. And if you take it with Mountain Dew – don’t ask me why it never really explains – then the SQUIP will connect to you brain and help you to negotiate the terrifying world of pubescent life. Oh, it also shows up as Kenu Reeves in your perception if you don’t change it to someone else… *gasp for air* and that is the basic premise of Be More Chill.

5. I Don’t Know How to Love Him

Mary Magdalene is always a win.

Ah Crucifixion, a far more saner topic to have a musical about. Written by Andrew Loyd Webber, Jesus Christ Superstar tells the tale of the days leading up to Jesus’ death and his subsequent Crucifixion. My family’s not particularly religious, so growing up this was my only exposure to that story that I really paid attention to – which may or may not have caused some strife with my slightly more religious classmates. I mean you mention one time that your favorite disciple is Judas Iscariot and suddenly everyone’s claiming you’re gonna go to hell. Look people, I was eight or nine, Jesus kind of sounded full of himself to my child mind, and Judas had the best songs. Speaking of best songs, this haunting melody is sung by Mary Magdalene played by Yvonne Elliman , as she ponders her confusing feelings for the title character. It truly is a wonderful song to listen to while your driving back home from your slightly exhausting road-trip.

4. Rule the World

Hail to the Ruler of the World

Performed by the band Take That, and featuring in the soundtrack of the film Stardust staring Qweneth Paltro – who was also in Glee, and…other things as well I’m sure – Rule the World is an empowering song of love between two maniacal dictatorships, just trying to keep the populaces in control. What? That’s not what its about…but why is it called Rule the World then? That is a misleading title.

3. Everything is AWESOME

Awesome!!!

Ah, now this is much better – the first song of The Lego Movie is an upbeat tune compiled by a major corporation to lull us into a false sense of contentment so that we don’t notice as they complete their dastardly plan. Both in story and out. Plus I dare you to get it out of your head once you hear it, even just once.

2. Nothing

Best Song Ever

From the Musical ‘A Chorus Line’ this ballad is the sorry tale of a crap, probably boarder-line racist, acting teacher and the young girl who was forced to put up with him…until he died. Sorry, ruined the end there, but it is an awesome song regardless and one I most dearly recommend for any long car ride, particularly if it’s your mother’s favorite song.

1. How Far I’ll Go

The Ocean is alive, I have all the questions

Finally we come to our winner, performed by the amazingly talented Auli’i Cravalho – who was only freaking fourteen at the time of recording – and written by Lin Manuel Miranda of Hamilton fame; ‘How Far I’ll Go’ takes its place as one of the Disney Princess’ ‘I Want’ Songs. Other such contenders are ‘A Dream is a wish your heart makes’ (Cinderella); ‘Let it go’ (Elsa); ‘When will my life begin?’ (Rapunzel); ‘Almost There’ (Tianna) ; and one of my personal favorites ‘Reflection’ (Mulan). Now, why exactly did I just spend a good amount of time listing other Disney songs instead of the one I actually listened to while on my road-trip up to the Highlands? Well, two reasons really: number 1, ‘How Far I’ll Go’ needs no hyping up because its so awesome it speaks for itself – so stop reading this right now, go back up and listen to that wonderful song – and Number 2. for full musical education I believing its proper that all the Disney songs are given a shout out every now and then. I’m just kidding, I have no musical education, I just enjoy them.

Well, here we are at the end my wee readers, if you’ve enjoyed this particular musical trip down memory lane or would like to suggest an ‘evil’ song for next time, leave a comment down below. Also follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest. Until next time, my Wee Readers, have a Bonny Day.

The Top 4 Adventures I had on my Holiday

Great now that we have measured and ranked the food – now it is time to move on to the rest of the Holiday. And by that I mean of course, the rest of the holiday that I took pictures of – because you know the old saying, if there’s no photo it didn’t happen. We will begin our tale of Adventure up the cold roads of Scotland with a bowl of chili.

1: The First Adventure

The Prodigal Chili Returns

If you’ve read my previous post you already know how much I loved the Chili at Kristie’s Garden Centre – which was our first stop on our elustrius road trip towards the highlands of Scotland – so I won’t wax poetical about it here. I’ll just say that it was the best chili I’ve ever had at a restaurant…of any kind.

Teapots Galore!!!

Before we move on, my wee readers, I would just like to draw your attention up to the walls of Kristie’s Garden Center’s Restaurant. You may find yourself asking if what you are seeing is real. And yes, yes you are indeed seeing more novelty teapots than any person – not possessed of some kind of magical power – could count. So, want to show off you magic chops? Then comment down below with your guesses. Winner gets a Scottish Macaroon.

And now, my wee Readers, we take our first tentative steps into the Highlands of Scotland. Well, technically I didn’t step into the Highlands, I sat in a car and listened to awesome music. But…the view’s pretty spectacular never the less.

Finally a quick stop off at Logie Steading for tea and a look round the second hand bookshop. Before we reach our country lodge/ timeshare and our journey comes to an end.

2. The Highland Wildlife Park

Not a hop, skip and a jump from our timeshare stands The Highland Wildlife Park. Containing what was sure to be some of the most exciting animals ever to be seen on Scottish shores -or at least they had better be considering how much we payed to get in.

Look a bear

Behold, the majestic horse I captured (in picture form at least) in front of our car’s window. Yet, to truly be amazed look beyond that, up on the hill to the left of the big rock in front of the fence – it’s a bear. A freaking polar bear!!

Run!!

Behold the mighty Buffalo – one of the few clear photos I managed to take while driving round the Wildlife preserve. I’m just glad he didn’t charge 😁

Long Live the Tiger King

This Tiger was a showoff – always prowling in front of us lowly humans as if to say ‘yes, I could eat you. But I won’t because I like the attention. So come on, where’s my close up maggots?’ Wow that kind of got intense…moving on.

3: Cairngorms

This statute is to comenarate twenty years of the Cairngorm ski slopes – I think. To be honest I got so distracted by the statue that I forgot to look at the information underneath.

I’m especially proud of this photo – I took it just outside of the Cairngorm’s restaurant, where we had a particular nice bowl of chips and lentil soup.

Look at this one – can you even tell it was taken in modern day? Okay, you probably can but just turn off your brain for a second and pretend.

4: The Fun Garden at Brodie Castle

The Fun Garden at Brodie Castle is a strange experience. It’s made up like Alice in Wonderland – although I don’t remember any unicorns in Wonderland. But correct me if I’m wrong, I’ve never read the books.

We start by going down the rabbit hole

Marked by its very own GIANT BUNNY – there are no words for how awesome that is 😂

Our first stop in the Fun Garden is the miniature of Brodie Castle, which can make you feel like a giant when you stand inside it.

Then a step round the black and white spinning Teacups.

Then we take a turn near the giant’s table and chair. If you close your eyes and listen you can just hear his voice in the distance: ‘Fe Five For Fun, I smell the blood of a Scottish man.’ Joke’s on him, I’m not a man

Finally, our journey comes to an end with a glimpse of Brodie castle, leaving us feeling very small indeed.

Well, that’s the end of it my Wee Readers – thank you for your patience during the many days, weeks, years it took to complete this post. If you enjoyed this parade of holiday memories check me out on Instagram or follow me on Twitter. Until next time my wee readers, have a bonny day.

The Top 7 Vegan Meals I had on Holiday

Well I’m back, my Wee Readers. After 7 days up in the Cairngorm National Park staying at one of the Hilton Hotel’s Timeshares, I have returned with photos, and ideas for blog posts galore. Now, you may be asking yourself, if she had such a spectacular time up in the Highlands…why is she just talking about the food she ate? Well, that could be for one of two reasons.

Reason One: I’ve actually got several blog posts planned, and I’m starting with this one because I’m very tired from my holiday, and it was the easiest to write.

Or Reason Two: My mind has only three modes – Writing, Reading, and Eating, repeat when necessary.

Decide for yourself which sounds more plausible to you .

7. Five Bean Chili in a Baked Potato

We start this onslaught of vegan food-porn with a stop to Christies Garden center situated in the town of Fochabers .  They actually had an entire vegan menu, meaning we could each choose something different –  which for someone who was raised vegan in the North of Scotland, and now lives a good hour away from the more exciting Vegan Restaurants – is still a relatively novel concept. We got to eat different things from each other – and they weren’t all just different forms of chips!!

6. New Vegan Subway Sandwich

Mmmm…subway.

Subway has Vegan Sandwiches now! Subway has Vegan Sandwiches now! Eeeeeh! Sorry, sorry I blacked out with the joy of it. This Sandwich consisted of tomatoes, red onions, pickles, cucumbers, sweetcorn, some kind of nut fillet (but to be honest I’m guessing with that particular filling, I don’t actually know what it was); and my favorite, the jalapenos. I love jalapenos – the more feeling I loose in my tongue the better.

5. Pizza Express Frozen Pizza

I’m gonna get so Fat.

Behold the ever elusive creature that is the Vegan Frozen Pizza – rarer still to have a well known brand stamped on the box. I love this new vegan explosion of choice, I have so many more unhealthy things to eat than when I was growing up. I’m going to get so fat just because I can now !

4. Strawberries & Raspberries

It’s good to be home.

Picked fresh at the Findhorn Foundation – these juicy morsels of fruit are the perfect welcome home from a house that missed us dearly. Now, am I implying that the berries  were lying out like that for us when we got home? That my house has somehow reached sentience enough to go shopping? Don’t be silly, I’m not insane – where would a house possibly buy berries from?

3. Chips & Beans from the Happy Haggis

Chips, Chips, Wonderful Chips!

These chips were pretty delicious considering they were bought from a restaurant that I’m fairly certain was chosen purely for its name. Admittedly ‘The Happy Haggis’ is a very hard name to turn away from, and we’re Scottish – we know what a Haggis really is. That’s about it, I mean what else can I say, they were chips – awesome chips, but its not like they were a Five Bean Chili or anything. Speaking of…

2. Five Bean Chili, but this time with rice.

Chili with Rice!!!!

Run!! It’s the Return of the Five Bean Chili!!!! You may be asking yourself why this portion of Five Bean Chili gets its own allotted space instead of just squeezing in with its predecessor? Could it be that despite coming from the same restaurant, and going down the same gullet, one was widely inferior to the other? Particularly because one of them had been served with a side of coleslaw, because our server hadn’t really been listening when we asked for the Vegan option. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but it cannot be denied that the Chili that came with the side of rice was superior to the one that rode in on a bake potato. Also there was more of it for some reason.

1. Vegan Veggie Breckfast

Best Breakfast Ever!

And finally we reach the end of this little list of vegan gluttony with, what was hand to god, one of the best breakfasts I’ve ever had. The Mountain Cafe located in the town of Avimore boasts an impressive array of vegan items on its menu. However if you’re in the area I recommend you stop in for Breakfast; whether it was the spectacular Potato rosti, or the the hash brown balanced on top of it; the sausage, the tomatoes or even the bake beans, the Veggie Breakfast is the most delicious thing you will ever taste. I don’t know how you make bake beans taste that good, or even significantly different from all other bake beans, but somehow they managed it. And the Mushrooms, oh my God, the Mushrooms…there are no words to describe the mushrooms.

Well that’s the end of it – wow, this took much longer than I thought it would. If you’re interested you can find these photos and many more like them from my holiday, up on Instagram. Or check me out on twitter to follow the procession there. I do have two more holiday related posts planned, but we’ll see how long those take – so, as always my wee readers until next time, have a bonny day.

The Top Ten Best Greek Gods out there + The Worst One

Or the Wee Lassie’s Most Valiant attempt to be Struck by a Bolt of Lightning

One of my current obsessions is Greek Mythology, specifically the Greek Pantheon. So in a clear sign of some form of latent death wish, here is a list of the Top Ten Best Greek Gods for your reading pleasure; plus the Worst One – because we’ve really got to seal that Lightning bolt in somehow.

So strap in my wee readers, we’re about to get very sacralgious.

10. Aphrodite

Roman Name: Venus

Husband: Hephaestus (divorced)

Lovers: Ares, Hermes, Poseidon, Dionysus, Anchises – and that’s just the ones she got pregnant by.

Kids: Eros, Phobus, Demmos, Harmonia, Pothos, Antero, Himeros ; Hermaphrodite ; Rhodos, Eryx ; Peithlo, The Graces, Priapus; Aenas

The Goddess of Love, Beauty, Desire and Pleasure – it was said in Heiod’s Theogony (188-206) that Aphrodite was born from the severed genitals of Uranus falling in the ocean. Later works such as Homer’s Iliad would try to claim that she was the daughter of Zeus and Dione – which is quite frankly a much duller origin story for the Goddess of Love. I mean, oh my Hades, Zeus cheated on Hera…that’s never happened before.

Jerk Level: 8/10

9. Demeter

Roman Name: Ceres

Husband: None, because Demeter doesn’t need that hassle.

Lovers: Zeus (what was she thinking?), Poseidon ( should we count him? I don’t think that was consensual).

Kids: Persophone

The daughter of the Titans Chronus and Rhea – like most of her siblings Demeter was eaten by her father because he heard a prophecy from his dethroned father, that one of his children would overthrow him. I think I’m beginning to see where all the issues stem from. Demeter is of course most memorable in the Myth of the Kidnap of Persephone where she basically starts the Ice Age – and all subsequent winters – when Hades kidnaps and then refuses to give back her daughter Persephone. I’ll have more to say on that particular Myth later in the post, but regardless of how you interpret that myth, I still think Demeter herself is kind of Bad-ass.

Jerk Level: 6/10 – because she did kill a lot of people with that first winter.

8. Pan

Roman Name: Faunus

Wife: None

Lovers: Syrinx, Echo, Pitys

Kids: Silenos, Lynx, Krotos, Xanthus

God of nature and the wild, shepherds, flocks, and often associated with sexuality – but to be honest what Greek God wasn’t to some extent. Pan’s parentage seems to be a bit of a mystery; there are many conflicting accounts in Greek Myths. Some tales say he’s the son of Zeus (the shock, Zeus had another child); some the son of Hermes, I even heard at least one that claimed he was the son of Penelope wife of Odysseus after an affair with Apollo.

In more modern times Pan’s image has often been associated with the Christian Devil – by stupid people. Seriously guys, the Greek God of the Wild has nothing to do with the Christian Devil – stop saying he does, you’ll hurt his feelings.

Jerk Level: 7/10 – because as much as I like him, he did seem to have a poor understanding of consent

7. Hera

Roman Name: Juno

Husband: Zeus – much, I’m sure, to her eternal regret.

Lovers: None, because she kept her wedding vows, Zeus.

Children: Angelos, Ares, Eileithyia, Enyo, Eris, Hebe, Hephaestus

I think the Hera we know best from Greek Myth is the wrathful and vengeful spouse of Zeus – especially since she continues to try and kill innocent women and children, when really the person she should be gunning for is Zeus. I mean come on Hera, get your priorities straight. That being said when she did like you, she was a good Goddess to have on your side – so long as you didn’t fall out of favor with her, like a certain boneheaded chaser of Golden fleeces.

Jerk Level: 9/10

6. Uranus

Roman Name: Caelus

Wife: Gaia

Lovers: None

Children: The Titans, the Cyclopes, the Meliae, the Furies, the Giants, the Hekatonkheires, and Aphrodite (sort of)

The Son and Husband of Earth Mother Gaia – because the Greek Pantheon would look at the Targaryens and say they were not inbred enough – Uranus is proof that you don’t have to be at all likable in Greek Myths to be enjoyable to the listener. Now true, my favorite Uranus myth is the one where he gets his balls hacked off – but he really had it coming. Plus, I just think his name is funny

Jerk Level: 10/10

5. Nemesis

Roman Name: the same I think.

Spouse: I don’t think she had one – but please, correct me if I’m wrong.

Lovers: Zeus (via rape), Tartarus

Children: Helen of Troy, Clytemnestra, Castor, and Pollux

The Underworld Goddess of divine retribution – in one of the many Greek myths where Zeus is awful, to save herself from his pursuit Nemesis turned herself into a goose. This of course did not stop Zeus, because nothing does – so he turned himself into a swan and mated with her anyway. This led Nemesis to lay two eggs – with two sets of twins inside. One of whom would grow up to be the famed Helen of Troy. Of course other myths claim the children where fathered and mothered by other people – but they’re not on this list, so who cares.

Jerk Level: 5/10 – because she’s just doing her job when she punishes you.

4. Dionysus

Roman Name: Bucchus

Wife: Ariadnes

Lovers: Goddesses – Aphrodite and Aura ; Nymphs – Beroe, Kronois, Nikaia; Mortal Women – Erigone, Althaia, and Pallene; Satyr – Ampelos; Mortal Man – Polymnos or Hyplipuos

Kids: Priapus, Hymen, Thoas, Staphylus, Oenopian, Comus, Phthonus, the Graces, Deianina

The God of Wine, fruitfulness, Parties, festivals, madness, chaos, drunkenness , ecstasy and for some strange reason the theater. Another illegitimate child of Zeus, one myth claimed that Hera killed his mother while she was pregnant with him; so, to save his life, Zeus took the unborn infant and sewed him into his thigh and carried him to term. It’s almost unbelievable – Zeus did something relatively decent.

Jerk Level: 7/10

3. Persephone

Roman Name: Proserpina

Husband: Hades

Lovers: Maybe Adonis, Zeus sometimes (raped obviously) but sources vary

Kids: Melinoe and Zagereus

The daughter of Demeter and her jerk brother Zeus; Persephone was the personification of vegetation and the Goddess of Spring and Nature before she was kidnapped and later married to the God of the Underworld, Hades. After which she also carried the title of Goddess and Queen of the Underworld. Whether her abduction was exactly that, or a mutually agreed upon elopement is a mater up for some debate – but whatever the case, their later marriage seemed to be one of equal partnership. The Greeks feared Persephone as much as they feared Hades.

Jerk Level: 6/10

2. Hephaestus

Roman Name: Vulcan

Wife:Aphrodite (divorced), Aglaia

Lovers: One attempted rape of Athena, and an accendental impregnation of Earth Mother Gaia

Kids: Thailia, Eucleia, Eupheme, Philophrosyne, Cabeiri and Euthenia

Thrown off Mount Olympus when he was born, because Hera found him so ugly. Yeah…not every bad thing she did was provoked by Zeus. Found and raised by nymphs, he returned to Mount Olympus when he was grown and trapped his mother on a golden throne; and demanded the Love Goddess Aphrodite in exchange for Hera’s freedom. He got this – much I’m sure, to his later regret.

Jerk Level: 7/10

1. Hades

Roman Name: Pluto, Dis

Wife: Persephone

Lovers: Possible Minthe, who Persephone later turned into the Mint plant.

Kids: Zagreus, Macaria, Melinoe, Plutus, and the Erinyes

I don’t care what Hollywood thinks of him, on this blog we respect the Lord of the Underworld. Despite modern adaptions portraying him as a Satan like figure – at least I can follow the logic of that misrepresentation – Hades is one of the better behaved of the Greek Gods. He’s certainly the best out of the big three – you know, kidnapping that caused the earth to freeze half the year, aside.

Jerk Level: 6/10

+ 1. Zeus

Roman Name: Jupiter

Wife: Hera

Lovers: We don’t have all day, just assume everyone.

Kids: Also, everyone – heck, Zeus slept with so many people we probably all have a little bit of his DNA in us.

Let’s be honest, all Greek Gods are sort of Jerks – that’s why I included a Jerk Level to each of their bios, felt like a lie without it – but no one quite competes with Zeus. Whether he’s turning into a swan to rape someone; turning his lovers into flies to eat and murder their children; kidnapping implied-underage boys to be his ‘cup-bearer’; screwing his older brothers out of their birthright; or breaking his wife’s heart over and over again – Zeus is singular among the jerks of the world.

Jerk Level: 10000000000000000000000/10

Well that’s the end of it, if you’ve enjoyed this slightly sacrilegious experience check me out on Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest; or if you haven’t already, follow my wee blog. Until next time my Wee Readers…is…is that a Bolt of Lightning heading straight for my head?

The Top Eight People George R. R. Martin Stole from to Make Game of Thrones.

Well, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but we can’t exactly say that the events in a Song of Ice ad Fire don’t bear a striking resemblance to things that George R.R. Martin doesn’t own. Thus to celebrate the end of Game of Thrones here are eight of them. Why eight, instead of ten? Why, because there were eight seasons of Game of Thrones…not because I couldn’t think of ten.

8. The Lancasters and the Yorks

The Lancasters and the Yorks were two cadet branches of the royal house of Plantagenet. House of Lancaster was descended from Henry III’s second son Edmund Crouchback; while House York was descended from Edward III’s fourth surviving son Edmund Langley, first Duke of York.  Both houses produced several English Kings over the years, and were major players in the war of the Roses. A series of battles between claimants to the throne which ended with the ascension of Henry VII to the throne and his marriage to Elizabeth of York.

George R. R. Martin’s Battle of the Five Kings is heavily based upon this war. In fact as we look closer can see parallels between GoT Characters and the members of Lancaster and York. Particularly King Henry VI (King Robert Baratheon), his wife Margaret of Anjou (Cersei), their supposedly cruel son Edward, Prince of Wales (Joffery) and Margaret’s enemy and the King’s once trusted adviser Richard of York, 3rd duke of York (Ned Stark).

This video from TedEd explains it better than I can:

I mean he didn’t even really change the names.

7. Shakespeare

I know, this is a bit of a cheat – but hear me out, before you light your torches. Most of our modern perceptions of the Plantagenet line, the war of the roses, and particularly Richard III don’t come from history itself, but their depiction in William Shakespeare’s plays.

Our closets parallel between GRRM’s and Shakespeare’s works is Stannis Baratheon. Like Shakespeare’s Richard III, Stannis vies for a throne his dead brother once occupied – by calling his nephews illegitimate and trying to take the throne from them. However, unlike King Richard, not only does he not succeed, but his nephews actually are illegitimate. We might also see some similarities between Stannis and Macbeth – both desired to be king, both rely on the prophesies of  ‘witches’; and both end really regretting it – though possibly for different reasons.

6. William the Conqueror

He is often cited as the first official king of his country, despite there being many, many kings before him. He is a conqueror, a descended of royalty from a distant land; and the first of a ‘great’ dynasty stretching through the centuries.

And that man’s name is Aegon Targaryen …what? You were expecting someone else?

5. Empress Matilda & her cousin Stephan I

Once upon a time in a land not so different from our own there lived an old king, who named his daughter as his heir. But you see girls could not be kings – they could be Queens but everyone seemed to forget this – so the throne  went to the princesses’ closest legitimate male relative.

Which pissed the Princess off…so there was a war, and many people died.

This is the story of the English civil war between Empress Maud and her cousin Stephan I. Sorry no Dance of Dragons in this story, but my god that description did sound like something else, didn’t it?

4. Hadrian (Or rather his wall)

I’m a Wildling. What? Haven’t you seen the show, or read the books? According to George R R Martin anyone who lives behind Hadrian’s Wall is a Wildling; and I live in Scotland. What? It was just based on it…you mean to tell me there’s not a giant ice wall separating one part of Britain from the other? I’ve been lied to! Right, where’s my mammoth, I’ve got a wall to scale.

3. The Massacre of Glencoe

In 1691, every Scottish Clan was called upon to renounce the desponed Scotish/ English King James VII (brother to the previous king Charlse II) and swear their alligances instead to King William of Orange (husband to James VII’s daughter Mary). Because of externuiting cercumstances Clan MacDonald was ever-so slightly late with their pledge thus the King’s men degreed that the clan was to bne cut down ‘root and branch’.

By claiming the sacred right of hospitality the soldiers were able to gain access to the castle, since the MacDonald were obliged to shelter them. When the Clan had retired for the night, the soldiers slaughtered them in their beds; several woman and children escaped in the night, but because of the storm outside they soon died of exposure.

Meanwhile, sometime in the early nineties George RR Martin wrote a shockingly toned down version of this tragedy into his Song of Ice and Fire.

2. J.R.R Tolkien

From the medieval setting, the word Warg, the character of Samwell Tarly, to the very R. R. in his name – it all bares a striking resemblance to another fantasy epic author we know well. To be fair, almost every fantasy released after Tolkien’s work steals from him in some way; and Martin certainly doesn’t do it as blatantly as someone like JK Rowling does. That being said, it is still strange that a man who professes to not like things like Fan-fiction would have such great similarities between his work and another author’s .

1.    Bran, Celtic god of Prophecy and Ravens

Finally, in honor of his Royal Majesty King Bran the Broken; First of his Name; King of the Andals; and the First Men; Lord of the Six Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm; I present to you the Celtic god of Prophecy and Ravens…Bran.

Okay, so when you get down to it there’s not a huge wroth of similarities between this particular King and God – I doubt very much Bran Stark will have his severed head used for prophecies; yet it’s still very weird to be innocently researching Celtic gods and to come across a Game of Thrones name. And not even a random one like Ned or John; no, given Bran was the God of Prophecy and Ravens – its very likely that the character who becomes the three eyed Raven was at least partially based on this Celtic Mythological figure.

Now, you might be asking yourself – what exactly did I intend to prove with this bizarre wee list of mine? That we shouldn’t take inspiration from other sources? No, of course not – no one would ever write anything if that were the case. That perhaps Martin should be less critical to those who write in pre-existing worlds considering how little of his own work is wholly original? Hmm, only slightly. Mainly, I think it’s important a to draw attention to the Historical, Mythological and Literary influences of Game of Thrones. Because no matter what you thought of the Final episode – we’re still feeling the loss of it, as we would with any show we loved. But if we dig deep into our own history and mythology we can discover that the story isn’t over. Just because they’re not called Targaryen doesn’t make the Kings any less mad, or the wars they waged any less terrible. When you look at it that way, we don’t even have to wait for GRRM to finish ‘The Winds of Winter’ to get our Thrones on.

If you’ve enjoyed this mad little foray into my mind, follow the wee blog if you haven’t already; or check me out on Twitter or Instagram. Until next time my wee readers from both sides of the Wall…have a bonny day.

The Wee Writing Lassie’s Top Ten Evil Songs

Come on we’ve all heard one some time in our lives – they’re the kind of song that gets stuck in your head. The kind of song that repeats over and over  no matter how much we beg them to stop. The kind of song that can burst out of your mouth at the most unfortunate of times.

These are evil songs, and now because I care about your well-being so much my wee readers – and certainly not because I just wanted to write another blog post and thought this would be funny – I shall now list the top ten worst of these terrible afflictions on the human psyche. 

10. Chim Chim Cher-ee

Taking the lowest spot on our list we have this haunting little ditty from the 1960s adaption of Mary Poppins . It’s been placed at this position because despite its tendency to repeat on a loop inside my skull, and its almost impossible to spell title – I find it mostly unoffensive, at least compared to some of the other songs on this list. Unless you count Dick Van Dike’s cockney accent as offensive, of course.

9. Gilmore Girls theme song

The first of the TV theme songs to grace this terrible, awful list – the memorable theme of the popular tv-show about a mother and daughter with a peculiarly close relationship, hyped folks up for the fast talking dialog and easy-going feeling that made the show so enjoyable. Originally written as a full length song by Carole King, this Theme song will continue to play on within you no matter how long you run from it.

8.Wake me Up Before you go go

Written by George Michel and recorded in 1984 by the band Wham! This song will follow you to the day you die – but there are worse fates. This is certainly one of my favorite songs on this terrible, awful, no-good list.

7. All about that Bass

Written by Meghan Trainor and Kevin Kadish and released on June 30th, 2014 – this song clearly intends to promote positive body image. Which is great message, but I would be able to appreciate much more if didn’t keep bursting out of my mouth at the most inconvenient times…All about that base, ’bout that base…Ahhh!

6. Happy

Written, Produced and performed by singer Pharrel Williams – this is a very well named song. Just listening to it makes you feel all happy inside, thus it is the only song on this list that I whole halfheartedly recommend getting stuck in your head.

5. Crazy Frog – Axel F

Well…I suppose we can make a song out of anything these days. I would be surprised if you hadn’t heard of The Crazy Frog – a Swedish CGI character created by actor and playwright Erik Wernquist in 2003. And I would be even more surprised if you had never once contemplated smothering that blue frog in a fit of rage fulled insanity.

4.Narwhals, Narwhals, swimming in the ocean

Is it just me or are these songs getting…weirder as we go along? Performed by Jonti Picking and released in 2009 ‘The Narwhal Song’ is by far and a way the most random of the songs on this list. I mean what do the lyrics even mean? Why are the Narwhals causing a commotion?!

3.Shake it off

Written by Taylor Swift, Max Martin and Shellback and released in 2014 as the lead single of the album 1989; this bouncy song may not be one of Taylor Swift’s better compositions, but it’s certainly one of the most memorable. Seriously, you’ll be humming this tune till your very last breath.

2. Duck Tales theme song

Yes, well we’ve all been expecting this one…it is the Grandfather of all the evil, stick-in-your-head-right-up-to-your-death-songs to ever grace this earth. Composed by Mark Mueller and performed by Jeff Pescetto for the 1987 series, and by Felicia Barton for the 2017 revival – I chose to put the original up above simply because it was the one that started it all, though both versions are equally catchy. Truly, there should be no song that could top it on a list such as this, so then…why isn’t it at the top?

1. Zip-a-dee-do-dah

You’ll notice that, unlike the others on this list, I haven’t placed a video here for you to easily watch this particular stick-in-your-head song. And the reason why is simple – I don’t want you to, I wouldn’t want anyone to get this song stuck in their head as thoroughly as it has mine.

And the sad thing is, I didn’t even listen to the song and it still got caught in my head.

Back when I was a child, my school had this recital, a contest if you will – the idea was that all of us kids who played recorder (which was everyone, since it was mandatory ) would play a tune, and whoever played it the best would get to move on to violin. Which looking back now makes no sense, since if I’m not mistaken I don’t think those two instruments are related. You’ve probably already guessed the song we were made to learn…that’s right Zip-a-dee-do-dah. From then on that parasite took up residence in my head and has never once loosened its grip, no matter how many of the other songs on this list I hum to try and drown it out. Chim Chim Che-ree has come the closest, but each time I think Zip-a-dee-do-dah has been defeated, it’s always just retreated. Yet, this is not why I’ve given this awful catchy song the top spot.

Truth be told, when I say the other songs on this list are evil I don’t really mean it – I mean they’re catchy, and sometimes very annoying. But the songs aren’t really evil in the true sense of the word; however I don’t think I can say the same for Zip-a-dee-do-dah. For you see the song originated in the Disney film Song of the South, one of the most racist films the company has ever made, which given their back catalog is actually saying quite a bit. So racist in fact that the company has desperately tried to distance themselves from the film, even denying a blue-ray release to it, yet like an unwelcome guest at a party Zip-a-dee-do-dah refuses to simply leave.

Thus ends this terrible, no-good list – if you’ve enjoyed discovering or re-discovering these brain-burrowers check me out on twitter, or Instagram; or follow the wee blog if you haven’t already. If you agree with my list, or think I’ve left one out comment down bellow.

Until we meet again my wee readers, have a bonny day.