The Wee Writing Lassie’s Top Ten Evil Songs

Come on we’ve all heard one some time in our lives – they’re the kind of song that gets stuck in your head. The kind of song that repeats over and over  no matter how much we beg them to stop. The kind of song that can burst out of your mouth at the most unfortunate of times.

These are evil songs, and now because I care about your well-being so much my wee readers – and certainly not because I just wanted to write another blog post and thought this would be funny – I shall now list the top ten worst of these terrible afflictions on the human psyche. 

10. Chim Chim Cher-ee

Taking the lowest spot on our list we have this haunting little ditty from the 1960s adaption of Mary Poppins . It’s been placed at this position because despite its tendency to repeat on a loop inside my skull, and its almost impossible to spell title – I find it mostly unoffensive, at least compared to some of the other songs on this list. Unless you count Dick Van Dike’s cockney accent as offensive, of course.

9. Gilmore Girls theme song

The first of the TV theme songs to grace this terrible, awful list – the memorable theme of the popular tv-show about a mother and daughter with a peculiarly close relationship, hyped folks up for the fast talking dialog and easy-going feeling that made the show so enjoyable. Originally written as a full length song by Carole King, this Theme song will continue to play on within you no matter how long you run from it.

8.Wake me Up Before you go go

Written by George Michel and recorded in 1984 by the band Wham! This song will follow you to the day you die – but there are worse fates. This is certainly one of my favorite songs on this terrible, awful, no-good list.

7. All about that Bass

Written by Meghan Trainor and Kevin Kadish and released on June 30th, 2014 – this song clearly intends to promote positive body image. Which is great message, but I would be able to appreciate much more if didn’t keep bursting out of my mouth at the most inconvenient times…All about that base, ’bout that base…Ahhh!

6. Happy

Written, Produced and performed by singer Pharrel Williams – this is a very well named song. Just listening to it makes you feel all happy inside, thus it is the only song on this list that I whole halfheartedly recommend getting stuck in your head.

5. Crazy Frog – Axel F

Well…I suppose we can make a song out of anything these days. I would be surprised if you hadn’t heard of The Crazy Frog – a Swedish CGI character created by actor and playwright Erik Wernquist in 2003. And I would be even more surprised if you had never once contemplated smothering that blue frog in a fit of rage fulled insanity.

4.Narwhals, Narwhals, swimming in the ocean

Is it just me or are these songs getting…weirder as we go along? Performed by Jonti Picking and released in 2009 ‘The Narwhal Song’ is by far and a way the most random of the songs on this list. I mean what do the lyrics even mean? Why are the Narwhals causing a commotion?!

3.Shake it off

Written by Taylor Swift, Max Martin and Shellback and released in 2014 as the lead single of the album 1989; this bouncy song may not be one of Taylor Swift’s better compositions, but it’s certainly one of the most memorable. Seriously, you’ll be humming this tune till your very last breath.

2. Duck Tales theme song

Yes, well we’ve all been expecting this one…it is the Grandfather of all the evil, stick-in-your-head-right-up-to-your-death-songs to ever grace this earth. Composed by Mark Mueller and performed by Jeff Pescetto for the 1987 series, and by Felicia Barton for the 2017 revival – I chose to put the original up above simply because it was the one that started it all, though both versions are equally catchy. Truly, there should be no song that could top it on a list such as this, so then…why isn’t it at the top?

1. Zip-a-dee-do-dah

You’ll notice that, unlike the others on this list, I haven’t placed a video here for you to easily watch this particular stick-in-your-head song. And the reason why is simple – I don’t want you to, I wouldn’t want anyone to get this song stuck in their head as thoroughly as it has mine.

And the sad thing is, I didn’t even listen to the song and it still got caught in my head.

Back when I was a child, my school had this recital, a contest if you will – the idea was that all of us kids who played recorder (which was everyone, since it was mandatory ) would play a tune, and whoever played it the best would get to move on to violin. Which looking back now makes no sense, since if I’m not mistaken I don’t think those two instruments are related. You’ve probably already guessed the song we were made to learn…that’s right Zip-a-dee-do-dah. From then on that parasite took up residence in my head and has never once loosened its grip, no matter how many of the other songs on this list I hum to try and drown it out. Chim Chim Che-ree has come the closest, but each time I think Zip-a-dee-do-dah has been defeated, it’s always just retreated. Yet, this is not why I’ve given this awful catchy song the top spot.

Truth be told, when I say the other songs on this list are evil I don’t really mean it – I mean they’re catchy, and sometimes very annoying. But the songs aren’t really evil in the true sense of the word; however I don’t think I can say the same for Zip-a-dee-do-dah. For you see the song originated in the Disney film Song of the South, one of the most racist films the company has ever made, which given their back catalog is actually saying quite a bit. So racist in fact that the company has desperately tried to distance themselves from the film, even denying a blue-ray release to it, yet like an unwelcome guest at a party Zip-a-dee-do-dah refuses to simply leave.

Thus ends this terrible, no-good list – if you’ve enjoyed discovering or re-discovering these brain-burrowers check me out on twitter, or Instagram; or follow the wee blog if you haven’t already. If you agree with my list, or think I’ve left one out comment down bellow.

Until we meet again my wee readers, have a bonny day.

 

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The inevitable jumping on the Bandwagon post

Second episode in and shit just got real. That’s right people…the white walkers are finally here! After seven seasons of just wandering around they are finally here!!! Woo! Winter has finally come for you bitches!!!

*cough*

Yes, well…as you might have guessed from that exuberant opening, like almost everyone else in the world…I freaking love Game of Thrones. I love it so much I tried to buy the first season on DVD when it first came out, despite it being an eighteen and me being,well, not. So, as you can imagine, I could not wait for season 8 .

And then the first episode premiered…and the internet exploded. Which got me thinking, hmm…I love Game of Thrones too, I can get in on this. I know what I’ll do…I’ll write a blog post. But the question still remained… what kind?

Should I do a review for each new episode? No, I don’t have the patience for that. A rant think piece? But what about? And then it dawned on me – since that very first episode I’ve wanted to know how it would all end…so why couldn’t I give it a guess right here ?

Everyone else has their predictions, so here’s mine : everyone is going to die.

 I doubt they’ll have the White Walkers win, yet one way or the other – everyone will end up dead. It might be fighting the White Walkers, it might be huddling in the crypts of Winterfell; or perhaps at the age of eighty, in their own bed with a girl’s mouth around their cock. Whatever the case they’re all going to die – for you see my wee readers, it’s not the White Walkers that are going to win the Game of Thrones…it’s time.

I predict that when the fighting’s over…we won’t get to see who sits on the Iron Throne. Instead the Writers will fling us forward…to a Westeros where even the name Targaryen has been forgotten.

To a Westeros where the Wall was never rebuilt.

Duffus Castle the Wall
Starring Duffus Castle as the Wall

A place where no one can recall that Tywin Lannister did not in fact shit gold.

Latrine Duffus Castle
A latrine

Where even Winterfell is nothing more than a ruin.

Duffus Castle Winterfell
And Duffus Castle as the forgotten Winterfell

This would be a very different Westeros compared the one we’ve come to know. The people would be very different:

. They’d have cars

.Healthcare

.Planes

.Maybe even fast food?

Vegan Pizza
Vegan Pizza

Perhaps even their seasons would have changed…sped up, until both Summer and Winter could be contained in a single year. And so it would be, until the people of the Seven Kingdoms forgot it had ever been any other way…until they forgot there had ever been a Seven Kingdoms at all.

Easter, Duffus Castle, Westerous
The Easter Celebrations at Duffus Castle as Future Westeros

It’s us…the future of  Westeros is us.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this mad little conspiracy of mine, my wee readers – if you like my photos check me out on Instagram or Pinterest, or follow me on Twitter.

Until next time, wee readers, have a bonny day.

Harry Potter and the Dirty Robe

Or how JK Rowling finally succeeded in retroactively ruining her own books.

Welcome, my wee readers to the first of many rants well thought out think pieces on the Wee Blog.

Let us begin, much like Rowling herself, with a boy on a train.

His name is Harry Potter.

Ah, Harry Potter, that mythic golden goose that managed to ensnare both child and adult readers before…well every franchise under the sun was trying to do that. Like many in my generation I spent a good amount of my childhood reading the words of Ms. Rowling, and getting lost in the world she created. Thus, like many of my generation, and let’s face it everyone else, I was ecstatic to hear more tit-bits from the world of Harry Potter. However, I don’t think it took us very long, relatively speaking, to notice a bit of a trend with this new information.  

She seemed to be trying to retroactively ruin the Harry Potter books.

We all kind of know where it started – with the revelation of Dumbledore’s sexuality. But don’t get me wrong, Dumbledore being gay wasn’t the problem – it was the fact that she chose to reveal it retroactively on Twitter. Why would you do that? Why not just put it in the books to begin with – I mean it doesn’t have to be the focus since its Harry’s story, but it would have been really good to have that representation in the books. To have the leader of the Light be an out and proud Gay man, would have really added something to the story JK Rowling was trying to tell.  But okay…guess we’re just going to put it on social media and collect the praise without doing any of the work for actual inclusion.

Still, that revelation didn’t ruin the books themselves per say, but it did cast a shadow of doubt on the author. Was she really as progressive as she made herself out to be? Or was she just playing the part to court the favor of both the LGBT community and the homophobes? And if so, could we continue to like her books even if she turned out to be a terrible, terrible person? Could we separate Harry Potter from his Author? It’s a questions fans of works written by writers who turn out to be human garbage, have asked themselves since the beginning of the written word. In the end I think it’s a personal choice – and I very much doubt that ‘the Dumbledore is Gay’ revelation ruined the Harry Potter books for many people. After all, it didn’t exactly prove JK Rowling was an awful person, just maybe a little thoughtless in her actions sometimes.

The Next strike – or at least the next strike I remember – came in the form of supplementary material from the site Pottermore (a site I’ve never quite understood the appeal of myself, but many people seem to like so I’ll leave it be). In preparation for her new Fantastic Beast Films, Rowling released a series of short stories detailing the history of magic/wizards in North America and… oh boy, was it a racist slock.  I’m not entirely sure which was worse, the fact that she had written the Navajo Skinwalkers into her text as misunderstood Animagi; or that when she was confronted by Native American readers, she declined to respond and instead let her more rabid fans do the answering. No, no, I’m being unfair…both actions can be awful.

So where does this leave us? Do I think JK Rowling is actually racist – a bit, but probably not consciously; she’s more likely just very, very lazy in her research. Or, and I like this idea the most, this is just another step in her dastardly plan to ruin the Harry Potter series. Think about it, would you really want to read the books of a racist? I know I wouldn’t. Still Harry Potter is such a well written, if slightly flawed in sections, work that even if JK Rowling does turn out to be a terrible person and not just a very, very daft one – it isn’t a difficult thing to separate her from the work. You can still enjoy the books and the films, even if you dislike the author.

It’s what I had to do when Rowling stuck her ‘terribly large nose’ into Scotland’s business – and then refused to talk about it like an adult. Still that was back in 2014 and I can be an adult, who cares if she described the SNP as Deatheaters, and the head of Scotland’s Labour branch – one of the leaders of the ‘No Thanks’ Campaign – as a ‘good little Gryffindor’. It’s not as if it was an important political situation, that would affect the lives of almost everyone in Briton and deserved to be treated as such…oh wait.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make before that trip down painful memory lane was, that all these mistakes – and there have been many more that I haven’t mentioned here – all lead to one solid explanation:

She’s doing it deliberately.

She wants to ruin the Harry Potter series for us.

 By now you must be thinking, Wee Lassie, how have you come to this ridiculous conclusion? When there are so many more sensible ones on offer: maybe she’s just not very good at Twitter, maybe she’s just lazy, or maybe she’s just a terrible person. All excellent well thought out conclusions, my wee Readers, but all proven wrong by one new fact about the wizarding world that Rowling released relatively recently at time of writing.

Before they had toilets, Wizards would shit themselves and then just magic it away.

This has ruined Harry Potter for me…I will never again be able to take any books or films set in the wizarding world seriously. And I cannot believe that an author who wrote something so profound as the Harry Potter books, could reveal something that stupid about her own world with sincerity…ergo… this must be a deliberate campaign to sabotage her past success.

Now, why would she do that? Possibly because none of her other forays into writing have been as universally loved as Harry Potter – pigeonholing her as only the writer of Harry Potter in the public’s eyes, instead of a successful author in her own right. Perhaps she’s simply trolling us for the giggles. Or maybe I’m just seeing conspiracies where there’s really only a shitty person.

What do you think?

If you enjoyed this little foray into the frightening world of my mind, check me out on Twitter or click the follow button on my Wee blog if you haven’t already.

Until next time, my wee readers, farewell and have a bonny night.

A Wee Introduction and a Walk round Strichen

What ho, my wee readers, allow me to introduce myself. I am The Wee Writing Lassie . I am predominantly a Writer, with aspirations for a freelance editing career in the future, and this is my wee blog. This post is intended to give you a brief idea of what you’re in for during your time perusing it.

So as we talk, let us take a wee stroll round the northern Scottish village of Strichen – it’s nay actually my own village, but it’s close enough and it makes for some very pretty pictures. Lets start with the Lake…

Strichen Lake / A Wee Introduction and a walk round Strichen / Charlotte Burnett / The Wee Writing Lassie

As we look out onto the Lake of Strichen community park, the stillness of the place lets my mind wonder into worlds that are nay my own. As a writer I’m fascinated by all things Science Fiction or Fantasy – although the Horror Genre seems to creep into almost everything I write – so you may be hearing many future tirades well-thought out think pieces, through out this blog. Huh…it’s getting a wee bit nippy, I guess its time to go inside now

An old fashioned Reading room in Strichen / A Wee Introduction and a Walk round Strichen / Charlotte Burnett / The Wee Writing Lassie
The Reading Room at Strichen Library

Ah now, that’s better…it may not be exactly toasty up in the Reading Room of Strichen Library, but it is full of one of our society’s greatest treasures… the Written Word. If you take a look at the page marked in an unsubtle fashion as ‘My Short Stories’ up on the menu, you may see some of my own ‘humble’ contributions to that expansive world. My legs are getting sore sitting here, let’s go take a look around.

An old desk in the second upstairs room of the Strichen Library.

In a smaller room off to the side, we find ourselves staring at an old desk. It’s well made and doesn’t look to have much wear – meaning it’s probably not had much use. It’s one of those things we put aside and try not to think about about in our day to day lives. I’m Dyslexic and – although I haven’t had a formal diagnosis – I’m pretty sure the amount of furniture I’ve ruined with my violent stimming, allows me to say that I’m also slightly Autistic as well. Will this be a main and or recurring topic on the blog? Probably not, unless I have something interesting to say about it, it’s more a driving force behind other topics. If I have an obsession with something I’m going to be talking about it at length. Hmm…I think this metaphor has played itself out, onto the next slightly forced but very pretty picture.

Strichen Maps / A Wee Introduction and a Walk round Strichen / Charlotte Burnett / The Wee Writing Lassie
A Strichen Map

At last we come to our final stop, what I’m assuming to be some kind of map of Strichen as a whole. Thus like the map we can look back, and discover what we have learned about The Wee Writing Lassie. She is a Dyslexic, slightly Autistic, Sci/Horror Writer & Freelance Editor in Training. She lives in the North of Scotland, which she clearly loves taking pictures of, and forcing them into blog posts – so expect to see many of those in future posts to come – and…oh yes!

Vegan Pizza / A Wee Introduction and a Walk round Strichen / Charlotte Burnett / The Wee Writing Lassie
Vegan Pizzas…yum.

She’s a vegan! Thank you for joining me through this metaphor laden trip through Strichen…here’s a slice of vegan pizza for your troubles. If you enjoyed the many pictures in this blog post, then follow me on Instagram, Twitter or Pinterest to see more.