The inevitable jumping on the Bandwagon post

Second episode in and shit just got real. That’s right people…the white walkers are finally here! After seven seasons of just wandering around they are finally here!!! Woo! Winter has finally come for you bitches!!!

*cough*

Yes, well…as you might have guessed from that exuberant opening, like almost everyone else in the world…I freaking love Game of Thrones. I love it so much I tried to buy the first season on DVD when it first came out, despite it being an eighteen and me being,well, not. So, as you can imagine, I could not wait for season 8 .

And then the first episode premiered…and the internet exploded. Which got me thinking, hmm…I love Game of Thrones too, I can get in on this. I know what I’ll do…I’ll write a blog post. But the question still remained… what kind?

Should I do a review for each new episode? No, I don’t have the patience for that. A rant think piece? But what about? And then it dawned on me – since that very first episode I’ve wanted to know how it would all end…so why couldn’t I give it a guess right here ?

Everyone else has their predictions, so here’s mine : everyone is going to die.

 I doubt they’ll have the White Walkers win, yet one way or the other – everyone will end up dead. It might be fighting the White Walkers, it might be huddling in the crypts of Winterfell; or perhaps at the age of eighty, in their own bed with a girl’s mouth around their cock. Whatever the case they’re all going to die – for you see my wee readers, it’s not the White Walkers that are going to win the Game of Thrones…it’s time.

I predict that when the fighting’s over…we won’t get to see who sits on the Iron Throne. Instead the Writers will fling us forward…to a Westeros where even the name Targaryen has been forgotten.

To a Westeros where the Wall was never rebuilt.

Duffus Castle the Wall
Starring Duffus Castle as the Wall

A place where no one can recall that Tywin Lannister did not in fact shit gold.

Latrine Duffus Castle
A latrine

Where even Winterfell is nothing more than a ruin.

Duffus Castle Winterfell
And Duffus Castle as the forgotten Winterfell

This would be a very different Westeros compared the one we’ve come to know. The people would be very different:

. They’d have cars

.Healthcare

.Planes

.Maybe even fast food?

Vegan Pizza
Vegan Pizza

Perhaps even their seasons would have changed…sped up, until both Summer and Winter could be contained in a single year. And so it would be, until the people of the Seven Kingdoms forgot it had ever been any other way…until they forgot there had ever been a Seven Kingdoms at all.

Easter, Duffus Castle, Westerous
The Easter Celebrations at Duffus Castle as Future Westeros

It’s us…the future of  Westeros is us.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this mad little conspiracy of mine, my wee readers – if you like my photos check me out on Instagram or Pinterest, or follow me on Twitter.

Until next time, wee readers, have a bonny day.

Harry Potter and the Dirty Robe

Or how JK Rowling finally succeeded in retroactively ruining her own books.

Welcome, my wee readers to the first of many rants well thought out think pieces on the Wee Blog.

Let us begin, much like Rowling herself, with a boy on a train.

His name is Harry Potter.

Ah, Harry Potter, that mythic golden goose that managed to ensnare both child and adult readers before…well every franchise under the sun was trying to do that. Like many in my generation I spent a good amount of my childhood reading the words of Ms. Rowling, and getting lost in the world she created. Thus, like many of my generation, and let’s face it everyone else, I was ecstatic to hear more tit-bits from the world of Harry Potter. However, I don’t think it took us very long, relatively speaking, to notice a bit of a trend with this new information.  

She seemed to be trying to retroactively ruin the Harry Potter books.

We all kind of know where it started – with the revelation of Dumbledore’s sexuality. But don’t get me wrong, Dumbledore being gay wasn’t the problem – it was the fact that she chose to reveal it retroactively on Twitter. Why would you do that? Why not just put it in the books to begin with – I mean it doesn’t have to be the focus since its Harry’s story, but it would have been really good to have that representation in the books. To have the leader of the Light be an out and proud Gay man, would have really added something to the story JK Rowling was trying to tell.  But okay…guess we’re just going to put it on social media and collect the praise without doing any of the work for actual inclusion.

Still, that revelation didn’t ruin the books themselves per say, but it did cast a shadow of doubt on the author. Was she really as progressive as she made herself out to be? Or was she just playing the part to court the favor of both the LGBT community and the homophobes? And if so, could we continue to like her books even if she turned out to be a terrible, terrible person? Could we separate Harry Potter from his Author? It’s a questions fans of works written by writers who turn out to be human garbage, have asked themselves since the beginning of the written word. In the end I think it’s a personal choice – and I very much doubt that ‘the Dumbledore is Gay’ revelation ruined the Harry Potter books for many people. After all, it didn’t exactly prove JK Rowling was an awful person, just maybe a little thoughtless in her actions sometimes.

The Next strike – or at least the next strike I remember – came in the form of supplementary material from the site Pottermore (a site I’ve never quite understood the appeal of myself, but many people seem to like so I’ll leave it be). In preparation for her new Fantastic Beast Films, Rowling released a series of short stories detailing the history of magic/wizards in North America and… oh boy, was it a racist slock.  I’m not entirely sure which was worse, the fact that she had written the Navajo Skinwalkers into her text as misunderstood Animagi; or that when she was confronted by Native American readers, she declined to respond and instead let her more rabid fans do the answering. No, no, I’m being unfair…both actions can be awful.

So where does this leave us? Do I think JK Rowling is actually racist – a bit, but probably not consciously; she’s more likely just very, very lazy in her research. Or, and I like this idea the most, this is just another step in her dastardly plan to ruin the Harry Potter series. Think about it, would you really want to read the books of a racist? I know I wouldn’t. Still Harry Potter is such a well written, if slightly flawed in sections, work that even if JK Rowling does turn out to be a terrible person and not just a very, very daft one – it isn’t a difficult thing to separate her from the work. You can still enjoy the books and the films, even if you dislike the author.

It’s what I had to do when Rowling stuck her ‘terribly large nose’ into Scotland’s business – and then refused to talk about it like an adult. Still that was back in 2014 and I can be an adult, who cares if she described the SNP as Deatheaters, and the head of Scotland’s Labour branch – one of the leaders of the ‘No Thanks’ Campaign – as a ‘good little Gryffindor’. It’s not as if it was an important political situation, that would affect the lives of almost everyone in Briton and deserved to be treated as such…oh wait.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make before that trip down painful memory lane was, that all these mistakes – and there have been many more that I haven’t mentioned here – all lead to one solid explanation:

She’s doing it deliberately.

She wants to ruin the Harry Potter series for us.

 By now you must be thinking, Wee Lassie, how have you come to this ridiculous conclusion? When there are so many more sensible ones on offer: maybe she’s just not very good at Twitter, maybe she’s just lazy, or maybe she’s just a terrible person. All excellent well thought out conclusions, my wee Readers, but all proven wrong by one new fact about the wizarding world that Rowling released relatively recently at time of writing.

Before they had toilets, Wizards would shit themselves and then just magic it away.

This has ruined Harry Potter for me…I will never again be able to take any books or films set in the wizarding world seriously. And I cannot believe that an author who wrote something so profound as the Harry Potter books, could reveal something that stupid about her own world with sincerity…ergo… this must be a deliberate campaign to sabotage her past success.

Now, why would she do that? Possibly because none of her other forays into writing have been as universally loved as Harry Potter – pigeonholing her as only the writer of Harry Potter in the public’s eyes, instead of a successful author in her own right. Perhaps she’s simply trolling us for the giggles. Or maybe I’m just seeing conspiracies where there’s really only a shitty person.

What do you think?

If you enjoyed this little foray into the frightening world of my mind, check me out on Twitter or click the follow button on my Wee blog if you haven’t already.

Until next time, my wee readers, farewell and have a bonny night.