The Nine Glories of The Rings of Power: The Sixth Glory

What Ho, Wee Readers and welcome to the Sixth glory of the Nine Glories of the Rings of Power. Remember to sign up to the Wee Mailing List before the 27th of February, to discover the Ninth Glory of the Rings of Power.

Númenor

Many times the name of Númenor has been spoken in reference within the works and the adaptions of the great professor’s work. In the third age, the men of Númenor were held up as the pinnacle of what men could be.

Then the Silmarillion happened and we all find out that while that might have been true enough to begin with, boy did they do a face plant at the end. Like the men of Atlantis, who they are very clearly based on, their greatness was their undoing. For it made them over proud, and they sought to challenge the Valar, so that they might break the curse of men and live forever.

As the Silmarillion was for the literature of Tolkien, so the Rings of Power is for the on-screen adaptions. While the greatness of Númenor blood was never as prolific on screen as it was on the page, it’s also notable that they often avoided the subtler criticism of it, that Tolkien added through his appendices.

Not so anymore. While Númenor has not quite yet reached challenge the gods stupidity, it’s clear they’re on their way there. They’re small, petty, and have an over inflated sense of their own importance to the world. And yet there is nobility there, something of the great people they used to be. It’s nuanced, it’s layered, it’s a heck of a lot of fun.

This is going to sound terrible even in context, but I can’t wait to see them get themselves sunk.

If you’ve enjoyed this little gem from a Tolkien obsessed fan girl, and would like to see the rest of them why not follow the Wee blog if you haven’t already. And check me out on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Mastodon, Tumblr, TikTok, Facebook and Kofi. And don’t forget to sign up to the Wee Mailing List to get the final post of this blog series on February 27^th. Until next time Wee Readers, keep safe and have a very bonny day.

The Nine Glories of the Rings of Power: The Fifth Glory

What Ho, Wee Readers and welcome to the fifth glory of the Nine Glories of the Rings of Power. Remember to sign up to the Wee Mailing List before the 27th of February, to discover the Ninth Glory of the Rings of Power.

Harfoots

Hobbits, undoubtedly my favourite part of any Tolkien based project, are a peculiar race as fantasy races go. Unlike Elves or Dwarves, they are not particularly fantastical at all. This is by design of course, as being the viewpoint characters for the two most well-known works in Tolkien’s legidome – they needed to be more recognisable (culturally speaking) to the original intended audience.

Which was, probably, late 20th century middle-class English people.

Which, very clearly, are the people that Bilbo and Frodo Baggins most resemble, both in speech and manarisims.

And yet…even from the first, there had always been hints that the history of the hobbit people, was very different from the sheltered, middle-class English veneer we get in the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit.

We hear talk of the different tribes, Fallowhide, Stoor and…Harfoot. We even hear talk of their wandering days before the Shire. But because Tolkien’s got a ring quest to start, the narrative can’t spend too long delving into this rich backstory.

Surely the only way we could properly explore this fascinating part of hobbit history, is with an entirely new tale.

Enter The Rings of Power…

Like their descendants the Harfoots love laughter, family, good cheer, and food, lots and lots of food. But they live in a very different world – unlike Bilbo, they don’t really have a land they can venture away from. All they have is the path – the set route through the lands they travel through – and those that wander away from the path, get left behind.

It’s a much harder, more brutal life. And what I find particularly fascinating about it, is how we can see the foundation for many of the foibles of the Third Age hobbits begin here. They are untrusting of outsiders because in their past, a stranger – particularly a tall stranger – might mean death. And they don’t want their children going on mad adventures, because in the past that would absolutely mean you never saw them again.

There are some that complain that the Harfoots are a bit too mean, in comparison with their later cousins (they do have a tendency to abandon those that don’t follow the rules) – but to that I’d like to argue, what hobbits have you been reading about? Because the hobbits I grew up with, would declare someone dead just so they can sell off his stuff.

TheNine Glories of the Rings of Power: The Fourth Glory

What Ho, Wee Readers and welcome to the fourth glory of the Nine Glories of the Rings of Power. Remember to sign up to the Wee Mailing List before the 27th of February, to discover the Ninth Glory of the Rings of Power.

The Stranger

In the past few posts I’ve started out fairly negatively in regards to previous depictions of Tolkien’s Middle-Earth. It’s hard to see how I could have done anything else in my first post, but I will concede that for the others it’s a fault of my own writing.

Thus for this post I’d thought I’d begin a bit differently – do you know who I love? Ian Mckellen as Gandalf. He’s so warm to the Hobbits, brave to the soldiers he’s leading into battle, and damn right scary to the people that oppose him.

So you have to understand that when I say I love the Stranger, and the way his actor portrays him – it’s not because I think he’s a superior depiction of the grey pilgrim. Rather that I enjoy the depiction of a different Gandalf, in a different part of his life.

It asks interesting questions of his character, not just as a wise sage for the more inherently flawed heroes of the story – but as someone who is quite lost himself. Gandalf is basically an angel like being in the guise of an old man. What would a being like that be like when he first came to mortal lands? He’d probably would be quite unsettling to anyone who found him. His powers might be dangerous and unpredictable, and he might thusly need a lot of emotional support. Ultimately what all these questions lead to is a depiction of a familiar character that is – what Rings of power succeeds at over all – very different and very, very interesting.

Plus, the idea that Gandalf is attached to the hobbits because it was their ancestors who helped him at his most vulnerable, just makes me feel all warm and nice inside.

The Nine Glories Of the Rings of Power: The Third Glory

What Ho, Wee Readers and Welcome to the Third Post in The Nine Glories of the Rings of Power blog series. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it – and remember to sign up for the Wee Mailing List, if you haven’t already, to catch the final post in this blog series on February 27th.

Adar and his Many Children

Orcs, one of the enemies of the free people of Middle Earth. Orcs, one of the horrors that the Lord Morgoth released onto the world. Orcs, they were elves once you know? Tortured by the dark lord until they became something else, something twisted. Wow, what a tragedy – what a story to tell, so we ever going to really explore it?

Yeah Orcs are one of those things that have a really fascinating backstory. But because most of Tolkien’s Middle-Earth work was either set in the Third Age (The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings) ; or from the perspective of characters with no real motivation to see them as anything but the minions of the dark Lord (The Silmarillion, The Lost Tales, and so on) – they’ve always kind of stayed in their little minion box.

Heck the Peter Jackson films were so uninterested in exploring that side of them, they literally killed them all at the end. Which by the way, didn’t happen in the books. Yeah, this isn’t just me picking at a small flaw in one of my favourite author’s works. Tolkien himself, eventually grew uncomfortable with the depiction of orcs in his stories. As it went against his Catholic belief, that anyone could be redeemed. Or at least so I’ve heard – but correct me if I’m wrong.

Enter the Rings of Power.

While the show certainly doesn’t lean away from the villainy of the orcs – they are still the antagonists, and basically assholes through and through. Yet nuance is added both by the revaluation of the identity of their mysterious leader “Ada” as one of the first elves that was “ruined” by Morgoth; and the reveal of the Orc’s underlying motivation.

Namely, to find a home for themselves. What they’re doing is still evil – killing, burning, awakening a dormant Volcano to blanket the sky in ash – but it’s not in the service of a Dark Lord. Nor is it evil for evil’s sake, as so often has been the case with other Tolkien adaptations.

Instead we have an actual societal motivation for the evil the orcs do. It’s nuanced, it’s somewhat sympathetic and most of all…it’s interesting!

The Nine Glories of the Rings of Power: The Second Glory

What Ho, Wee Readers and welcome to the second glory of the Nine Glories of the Rings of Power. Remember to sign up to the Wee Mailing List before the 27th of February, to discover the Ninth Glory of the Rings of Power.

Elrond and Durin, the Bromance

This friendship between a prince of dwarves and a lord of elves is exciting both from an individual story beat ( the Stone of a simple friendship can start the avalanche that is the creation of the Rings of Power); and from a wider cultural impact in regards to Tolkien mythology.

Namely, this is the most narrative attention a dwarf/elf friendship has gotten in a while. Possibly ever, since while friendships like Legolas and Gimli were always there – neither Legolas or Gimli were the stars of their own storylines. They were side players, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, someone has to be, but it did mean that this presumably momentous friendship really didn’t get the attention it deserved. For goodness’s sake the most extraordinary part of their friendship – Legolas bringing Gimli to the Undying lands – is shoved into an Appendix at the end.

I’m not saying that’s a problem narratively speaking – it was just a little disappointing for me personally.

Compare that to say the friendship of Elrond and Durin which due to the nature of its medium – and the multiple story threads of the Rings of Power – has a lot more room to be explored. In particular I enjoyed the drama of their differing views of time – with 20 years being nothing to an immortal elf, but quite a lot in the life of a mortal, even a mortal as long lived as a dwarf.

Plus I just kind of like Durin as a character, what can I say…I just find him neat.

The Nine Glories of the Rings of Power: The First Glory

What Ho Wee Readers and welcome to the first blog post of the Nine Glories of the Rings of Power Blog Series. Since my Christmas Folklore & History Series was such a success I decided I’d quite like to continue the trend. And since I’d already been planning on doing a post on the awesomeness that was the Rings of Power, this seemed like the perfect topic.

But enough talk…let’s get started. Eeeeh I’m so excited!

A Less White World

It seems right to start with the Glory that has provoked the most ire amongst the more Troll-like in the Tolkien Fandom: the diverse casting.

Look I’ve always loved the Peter Jackson Films – heck I’ll even stand and defend the Hobbit Trilogy till the day grows old, but we’re kidding ourselves if we don’t admit that they’re a little monochrome in their casting. It’s not just the Lord of the Rings, god knows Hollywood has a white preference in general – but just because it’s a common problem, doesn’t make it in anyway an excusable one.

Enter The Rings of Power.

Honestly their correction was so simple it almost seems stupid that it’s not been done the whole time. Step back before you’re blown away by this…they cast actors who weren’t white in some of the roles.

Oh my god, the land of Middle-Earth is starting to look like a real living place rather than a white washed version of history. And before you start I know this isn’t the first Middle-Earth property to include people of colour on the screen – but it’s the first to give them speaking parts and storylines of their own. So I think that counts for something. Plus the trolls of our fandom made such a fuss over something that, in some cases, was completely accurate to the source material – so I feel like it’s worth mentioning.

Yes that’s right, in the case of the Harfoots, they were not described by Tolkien as being the white hobbits these “Tolkien Purists” fantasy about, but rather hobbits with brown skin. Can you imagine that…non-white hobbits exist in Middle-Earth and nothing exploded 😁

(Pauses and looks up at the picture of own brain exploding with excitement).

Okay, poor choice of words.

And yet still, my point remains.

If anything the Rings of Power arguably doesn’t go far enough – most of the main characters are still white. And large sections of the Harfoots – including Nori, the one we’re supposed to be rooting for – are white, despite that being very inaccurate to the book. So, you must be thinking, if it doesn’t go far enough, why are you still calling it a glory? Well, that’s the state of our world isn’t it – any step forward is better than none.

Could it go further, absolutely and maybe we’ll see more of that next season – but as it is, it’s still done more than the other adaptations. After all, as the great man once said, the longest journey is the one you never start at all.

The Wee Archive – Episode IV: Revenge of the Poldark

I’ll be honest this made a lot more sense when I was writing it fresh off the the original post – so I might recommend checking that out before you have a look down below. Either way it’s a fun read, and remember I’ll be sending out a new Mailing List this January 31st with never before seen picture, so remember to subscribe to catch it before anyone else.

Poldark Season 5 – Let’s Fix it

Well, after almost a month of waiting here it is at last, how I would fix Poldark Season 5 – grab the tissues, because apparently I don’t enjoy happy endings.

The Players

Returning Players

Ross Poldark – Former soldier, now Politician. Married and father of three. The Protagonist
Demelza Poldark – Former Kitchen maid and now wife of a politician; married with two children. Main Love interest to Protagonist.
George Warleggan – Banker and Mine Owner. Widower with one birth child and two step children. Former Villain
Elizabeth Warleggan – Former sweetheart of Ross Poldark; and wife of George Warleggan and mother of three children. Deceased.
Geoffrey Charles Poldark – Spoilt wanna-be soldier. First son of Elizabeth Warleggan; step son of George Warleggan and cousin to Ross Poldark. A Young romantic lead – though why I can’t understand.
Drake and Morwenna Carne – a blacksmith and a school teacher respectively. One the brother of Demelza and the other the cousin of Elizabeth. The Beta couple.
Dwight Enys – a doctor. Former best friend to Ross, married and father of one deceased child. The Voice of reason.
Caroline Enys – a socialite. Wife of Dr. Enys and mother to a deceased daughter. A miserable wife.

The New Players

Ned Despard – Former General and Former Governor of Jamaica. Married to Kitty and friend of Poldark. A new Task
Kitty Despard – a protestor and former slave. Wife of Ned Despard. A helpful player
Ralph Hanson – a plantation owner. Wannabe future father-in-law of George Warleggan. A Villain
Cecily Hanson – a young protestor. Daughter of Ralph Hanson. Romantic Interest for Geoffrey-Charles.
Tress Tregidden – the new maid of Ross and Demelza Poldark. Seems to hate Demelza and fancies Poldark, for some reason that’s never made clear in the show.
Joseph Merceron – godfather of crime in London. The secret brother of Ralph Hanson. The Main Villain

Wow, that’s a lot of people – and it’s not even all of them. There are too many characters and their storylines to keep track of here, and more importantly too many villains. In the past Poldark only really had the Warleggans as any kind of major embodied threat to the heroes. With a handful of minor villains to go along with them. But a major scope crime lord, and his secret half-brother, as well as whatever the maid was doing – not to mention the French that come in at the end. No, no it’s too much.
So, first thing, we get rid of Joseph Merceron and his secret half-brother Ralph Hanson – their maneuverers are not only unneeded for most of the good drama to take place, but they also complicate an already over stuffed mess of a final season.
There we haven’t even really begun yet and we’re already two new characters down.

Plot A

Ned Despard dies in the first episode, there’s no need to keep him around any longer than that.
Poldark goes to London the first time to try and free him, but he fails. Yet his poking into the corruption of the government still gets him noticed by important people – he’s just not told about it in the first god damned episode.
Enraged by his defeat Poldark leaves London, with Dwight and Kitty in tow.
Poldark offers Kitty a place with him and Demelza – without of course consulting with Demelza first
Without Ned there to cause trouble – to lead the angry mob to the Warleggans mansion, or to yell at good honest miners that they’re cowards if they don’t use a just a little more dynamite, that part of the tale falls to Ross himself. He doesn’t get to spend the story smiling indulgently at the man who starts fights in bars, or throws aside genuine concern because it doesn’t fit into his view of what bravery is. Now, he is that man.
It’s grief from the loss of Ned, mingled with the already formed guilt at the loss of Elizabeth (yes, in this version of the show that will be addressed and Ross won’t be able to toss it aside with a few placating words from Demelza). But beyond that Ross has lost faith in his government, and doesn’t see the point in playing nice anymore.
There’s nothing Demelza can do or say that will make this…madman see sense. And every time she tries it just starts another fight, each one more bitter than the last. (And that’s not even getting into the fights they’ll have because of Plot B.)
Eventually Ross’ anger and both Poldark’s screaming creates such a toxic environment, that Kitty feels she has no choice but to accept Dwight and Caroline’s offer to reside in their residence instead.
It’s another blow for Ross – who feels like he’s failed his old friend all over again. He’ll be angry at himself of course, for driving Kitty away but that anger with manifest more as snipes at Demelza for doing the same thing. But at this point they’re fighting so much who would really notice anymore. No, the main and more notable part of Ross’ new found talent for bile gets flung at Dwight Enys for taking Kitty away.
Dwight and Ross’ friendship has been cooling anyway thanks to Plot C – but in an anger induced tirade, when Ross accuses Dwight of not only disloyalty to Ned (whose praises the doctor had refused to sing) but of having ungentlemanly intentions towards Kitty, the doctor punches the mine owner and tells him to get out.
His attitude having cut him off from friends, compatriotism and even his own wife – Ross is left alone to think on all that the world has taken away from him.
And that’s when he gets the message – the Warleggans have shut their mine due to expenses. The mine that was once a Poldark mine.
Under the influence of not only his own and anger and grief – George married Elizabeth, stole the Poldark ancestral home, and he stood for everything Ross Poldark had ever fought against – but the cunning and inciting words of his new maid Tress; Ross gathers up an angry mob.
Now, if you’re already a Poldark fan I know what you’ll be saying right about now – Wee Lassie, what are you doing? Poldark would never lead a mob up to his ancestral home, and to that I say…here me out. Yes, if Poldark was in a sound state of mine, he would never do this – he’s helped turn away such mobs from the Poldark home in the past. But the point here is he isn’t in a sound state of mind. He’s grieving twice over now; he’s lost faith in at the very least his government and its capacity to take care of those that needed help and most of all he’s isolated from anyone who’d talk sense into him.
He marches on George’s house, knocks down the door when George “or at least who he thinks is George” refuses to open. And finds himself slap bang in the middle of Plot C.

Plot B

But before we dive into that, let’s take step back and look at Plot B. In the show Demelza needs to step up at home because Ross is away at London, which is treated like it’s this new big thing, but I don’t know why. Ross had been away in London for long stretches of the year before.
Most of the drama in this part of the story comes from Demelza clashing with the untrustworthy new maid Tress Tregidden. Who thinks Demelza has forgotten her roots, and loves causing trouble? Which sounds fine on paper, but was really dumb in execution. Mainly because Tress seemed to lack a direct goal for all the mayhem she caused – first it seems like she wants more rights for the poor, but then Demelza hires her and suddenly she wants to replace her as mistress of the house. So, she decides to do that by…seducing Demelza’s brother. She also for some reason starts printing her own money because now she’s working for the main villains, but she wasn’t when she did those other bad things. I don’t know it’s all just so very confusing. So, let’s see if we can cut down on all this mess.

For starters, let’s change Tress’ introduction – we don’t need to see her as part of a mob of angry people unable to get work from the Poldark mine – she’s going to end up the Poldark’s maid, let’s just introduce her as the new Poldark maid.
However, beyond that the most annoying thing about Tress is not her actions themselves – so for our rewrite we’re basically going to keep those the same.
No, what I’m gonna chance – is her goal. Namely, I’m making her a French spy. It brings the French plot in sooner, and gives Tress a consistent motivation for her troublemaking.
We also get more of a reason for Ross to start romancing her in order to keep his undercover position with the Frenchmen up. It tries to do that in the show but like why would the French care if Ross was having a relationship with Tress. Like she’s some random poor girl, who cares show…who cares.

Plot C

Plot C involves the madness of Sir George Warleggan, the only decent storyline of the show – in fact it’s so decent that I recommend you go watch these parts of season 5 right now. Don’t worry I’ll wait, go and find it on Amazon, or Netflix, or wherever they’re playing it today.
….
You done? Good. Well, we’re keeping most of what happens pretty much the same, the only really difference here is that unlike the real show, we’re not going to have George mysteriously forget about his madness, and the torture that other doctor put him through before Dwight stopped him from jumping off that cliff. Bumps to the head are never so quick and easy as that.
So, George isn’t going to forget, but he will be hurt.
When Ross barges in with his Mob, demanding that George reopen his mine – he spots George standing on the landing and heads upstairs after him, however unlike in the show that angry Mob isn’t just going to stand around politely while their leader has a little chat with the banker. No, they are going to start wrecking the place.
Meanwhile up the stairs, when Ross starts yelling at George the knight of the realm has a full relapse – and begins to see Elizabeth standing behind Ross. Shaking her head and trembling in fear. Gripped in his delusion George leaps at Ross and they both go tumbling down the stairs.
And that is the moment when Dwight arrives on the scene
You see just like in the show, Dwight has been treating George for his lunacy – and while that has been happening the two men have been slowly growing closer, I’d even go so far as to say they’ve actually become friends. Thus, you can imagine how disturbed he was to find George’s door kicked in.
And how truly angry he is finding George injured on the floor – arm broken and let’s say knocked out – with a seething Ross standing over him.
This is the moment when Dwight really lays into Ross. You know that fight they almost had in the last episode, when Ross is behaving so terribly – but Dwight holds himself back so all they really have is a few tense words, because we can’t have a big fight between our main character and one of his oldest friends – our main character is just too likable for that. Now though he lets it all fly loose, how Ross is letting his worse faults control him. He has nearly ruined his relationship with Demelza, alienated all of his allies and continues to leave a wake of destruction in his righteous path. How many more lives must be ruined or damaged before Ross Poldark is satisfied? How many more Mothers have to die, how many more men have to be driven to madness by their own grief? And there it is, out in the open – Dwight slaps a hand to his lips but it’s too late. Ross knows now, he knows that George is mad, and more importantly the mob now know it too.
Dwight has ruined his patient’s reputation.
Ross leaves the Warleggan house, defeated and broken – and goes back home to think on the choices of his life.

Plot D

Happens exactly like it does in the show.

Plot E

Gone, Geoffrey Charles is so annoying he’s not even going to get a passing mention in my fixed season five.

Plot F

Combined into Plot C, so George’s and Dwight’s character arch are now even more closely linked together.

Plot G

Dwight and Caroline lost their baby daughter Sarah, to a congenital heart defect in season four. This will be at the forefront of their troubled marriage this year. Rather than taking a back seat to weird worries of infidelity like it did in the show. Oh, those will still be there – capitalised in the character of Kitty and her eventual retreat back to Jamaica just to escape the insanity of the two couples she’s taken refuge with. Poor Kitty, she really does get a raw deal in both versions of the show. This plotline will also capitalise on feelings of disconnection and resentment between Dwight and Caroline. Caroline feels like Dwight doesn’t respect her when he keeps things, like his PTSD or his patient’s names, from her. This is the reason that Caroline convinces herself that Dwight is cheating on her, either with Kitty and then when she is gone, with this mysterious client that he refuses to tell her anything about.

Plot H

In the background all this personal nonsense the eagle-eyed viewer may have spotted the men, in black cloaks following our protagonists. Of course, they were too busy raging and…going mad to notice themselves but that’s beside the point.
When Ross arrives home, he is confronted by the leader of these strange men – turns out they were the secret service, taken an interest in Ross when he started poking around about his friend’s death, and their interest was sealed when they discovered that Ross’ new maid was a French spy.
Don’t ask how they found out; it doesn’t really matter – they just know everything.
They belive there might be an invasion from the French in this part of the country, and they coerce Ross into seducing Tress for their location.
Then he has to go undercover with the French, and everything pretty much happens as it did in the show. Hey, I didn’t say I hated this storyline – I just thought it should be spread-out over more than the last two episodes.

Endings

The Poldarks – Ross is sent off to be a spy in France, just like in the show. Really the only difference here is that he doesn’t have a giant smile plastered to his face to try and trick the audience into thinking this is a happy ending. It’s a bad ending and we’re gonna treat it like it’s a bad ending. Demelza does eventually forgive her husband, after she saves him from being discovered as a fraud by the French. And afterwards when he finally breaks down form the loss of both Elizabeth and Ned, she takes him in her arms and decides not to flee to Jamaica, but to stay and try and make their marriage work again. And then Ross is ordered away to France, leaving Demelza behind to try and keep the mine, and the family together.
The Warleggans – George and Dwight’s friendship is damaged, as well as their doctor-patient trust. This is somewhat mended however when George saves Dwight and Ross from being stabbed by the French General. The Warleggans try and hush up the rumors of George’s madness, but eventually their only choice is to leave Cornwall for good.
The Carnes – Same as the show.
Dwight and Caroline – This plotline will end similarly to the show, with both of them realising they’ve still got a lot to work through after the death of their daughter, and that they may never be alright again; but at least acknowledging that and trying to work through it together. Although Dwight will not be going to France, because that is terrible.

If you’ve enjoyed this little reimaging of mine, don’t forget to check out the original post on the Wee Writing Lassie Blog, if you haven’t already. Also check me out on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Goodreads, Tumblr, and Pinterest. It’s a difficult time on the planet for everyone right now, so remember to laugh whenever you can and stay safe out there. Oh, and before I forget, have a very bonny day.

If you’ve enjoyed this now more than a little confusing post of mine why not follow the Wee blog if you haven’t already, and follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, TikTok, Facebook , GoodReads , Kofi and Mastodon for all the good stuff. Until next time Wee Readers, stay safe, stay sane, and have a very bonny day.

The Wee Archive – Episode 3: The Insults Strike Back

I debated whether or not to put this Newsletter in the Wee Archive, seeing as the whole point of it was that these were the insults to politicians I thought were a bit too rude to make it into the original post. But in the end I just decided to go for it, since the actual swearwords are bleeped out, and I found the ending just really, really funny.

So let’s get on with the show and remember to sign up for the Wee Mailing List if you haven’t already to get all new funny content just like…sometimes like this.

What ho, Wee Subscribers, and welcome to the Wee Mailing Letter – the insult edition. Well, if you’ve seen my latest post, you’ll know that my deep growing apathy to all kinds of government, has led me to my newest and most enjoyable side hobby – insulting politicians. While the main post has covered the majority of the insults – check that out here, if you haven’t already – here are a few close to my heart that just didn’t quite make the cut for the post.

Sturgeon

Look it’s the mad b**** of Glasgow
I hope one day you wake up chained to a unicorn, and it stabs you in the brain.
The Before picture on Emperor Palpatine’s makeover is looking a tad unrealistic – no one looks that bad.
C***

Johnson

Who’s a bad dog? Who’s gonna ruin the economy and set Britain’s job market back for generations to come – yes, you are! You are!
Danger! New Venereal disease just discovered: the Boris Johnson. Fertile women of childbearing age most at risk to this annoying pest .
Toilet Paper head – careful not all of the shit has been flushed away.
Tonight on Chanel 4 News – The Top Ten Reasons it’s a bad idea to vote a baby into office.
C*** Face

Keir Starmer

How did a shovel get so fat?
1984 called, it would like it’s false opposition back.
The Aliens really aren’t trying to blend in with us at all, are they?
Behold the Amazing Red Tory; combines the worst parts of both the left and the right, into one horrible package. For the love of God, don’t make eye contact.
C***y McC***ison

And of course…

Handcock

If you’ve enjoyed this little glimpse into the very rude past, why not follow the Wee blog if you haven’t already, and follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, TikTok, Facebook , GoodReads , Kofi and Mastodon for all the good stuff. Until next time Wee Readers, stay safe, stay sane, and have a very bonny day.

The Twelve Days of Christmas Folklore & History: The Ninth Day

Well, this is the last day of my holiday – which means this will be the last post in The Twelve Days of Christmas Folklore & History Blog series to be put up on the blog first. So remember to sign up to the Wee Mailing List to receive the final days of this Blog series – which will be released in a Newsletter on the 26th of December.

Let’s push on.

On the last day of my Christmas Holidays my employer gave to me…one hell of a Christmas Party!

The Twelfth Night was an old Christian Holiday marking the end of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. Interestingly it’s actually on January 5th depending on the time of counting. Well, I found it’s interesting- since I don’t usually associate January with anything Christmas related.

In 567 A.D to fix an “administrative problem” with matching their Roman Calendar with the lunar calendars used in various regions of their Empire, The Council of Tours declared “The Twelve Days of Christmas” a sacred time, establishing the tradition of “Advent fasting” to usher in the feast.

While there are many traditions associated with this medieval rager – not least among which was the custom of going from house-to-house singing, often referred to as wassailing (wait a minute, we’ve heard that name before) – I think my favourite would have to be the Twelfth Night Cake. Which is – as you might expect – a cake, but hidden inside this confectionery hides one bean and one pea. And whom so ever finds the bean shall be king for the night; and whoever finds the pea shall be queen.

Again, if I’m getting any of this wrong please tell me down below in the comments.

As I write this I realise that I’m probably not doing this wickedly fun festival justice. I mean this is only a short blog post, it’s not like I’ve got a novel’s worth of space…oooh idea. Are you into the Twelfth Night? The Twelve Days of Christmas? Good. Then go read The Mermaid and the Bear by Ailish Sinclair. Not only will you find multiple chapters detailing this fascinating tradition, but romance, humour and perhaps even a witch trial or two. Which is always fun, for the reader anyway – maybe less so for the characters.

If you’ve enjoyed this Christmas Folklore / tradition titbit, why not Follow the Wee blog if you haven’t already. And remember to check me out on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, Tumblr, TikTok, Kofi and Facebook. Until Next time Wee Readers, have a very bonny day and a very merry Holiday season.

The Twelve Days of Christmas Folklore & History: The Eighth Day

On the Eighth Day of my Christmas Holidays my Employer gave to me…eight dead birds with stuffing up their butts.

As far as we can look back human societies have been celebrating their winter festivals with midwinter feasts. They would have looked slightly different to the roast turkey and stuffing pictured above – heck I’m vegan so mine doesn’t even look like that – but the feeling would have been the same.

Archaeological finds have shown that feasts were conducted during celebrations of the pagan midwinter solstice. With the main meats being pork and beef – which would either be cooked over a spit or chopped up and used in winter stews. Alongside the meat would be seasonal fruits like crabapples or berries, different from us and yet not at all.

From the Romans with their Saturnalia, to the Monks of the Middle Ages with their special spices and roasted fish – humans have been using food to eat away at our winter worried from the very start.

Jump to Tudor times and things are looking down right decedent at our Christmas tables. Or at least the tables of the wealthy. Not only is this the arrival of the Turkey into England , – in 1523 – we also have things like blackbirds, badgers and swans filling the feasts of Henry VIII. Not to mention the mince meat pies, which back then were the size of a baby’s cradle.

Come the Georgian period, the Brussel Sprout makes its first appearance- at least on the British plate.

By Victorian times, this midwinter feast has become a smaller more intimate affair. With trimmings like roasted parsnips and potatoes, along with a cooked goose making it’s way onto even the most humble of plates.

And come to today where we celebrate this midwinter feast in anyway we so choose – nut roasts, KFC, Chinese Food – it really doesn’t matter. Just so long as you’re stuffing yourself silly, you’re continuing this wonderful tradition. Oh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.